Another great man died today...

I don't really know what compelled me to feel the need to write about this, but I do, so bear with me.

I read this article on CNN this morning and was moved by it:
http://www.cnn.com/2011/US/02/27/wwi.veteran.death/index.html

So the last living US World War I veteran died.  The last person with a first hand account of a significant event in our country's history is now gone.  He was a hero.  He was someones father, someones grandfather, and at 110 years old, he was probably also a great-grandfather, if not great, great-grandfather.  I'm sure that family is missing him greatly.

I think the thing that shocked me the most about the story though is the man's personality/demeanor.  "Buckles told CNN in 2007 he accepted the responsibility of honoring those who had gone before him, and to be their voice for permanent, national recognition after he was gone."  Also in the article, "Buckles wanted national status granted to the D.C. War Memorial, a marble gazebo built in the 1930s that, for now, honors only his comrades from the District of Columbia. His call was to elevate the designation of the site to join U.S. honors accorded to those who served in World War II, Korea and Vietnam."

I think the thing that strikes me the most is that he didn't want anything for himself, but that he selflessly campaigned for his already lost comrades.

For whatever reason this man reminds me of my Grandpa.  (http://grasso-isms.blogspot.com/2010/03/great-man-died-today.html) I think of him often and really miss him.  I see a lot of him in Gianna - the orneriness, sparkle in her eyes, mischievousness, determination, stubbornness.  The type of character we see in selfless leaders who do great things that affect many, but that few will remember.

So in the spirit of remembrance, take a little time to think about those that have come before us and remember what they did to give us what we have today: freedom and the right to live whatever we think our American dream is.

~A

What if there was no electricity...

I think about this from time to time...it does have kind of a morbid twist to it, but also is more of a survival state of mind.

So picture the situation - one day, you wake up.  No electricity.  No radio.  No TV.  Something has happened that has indefinitely disrupted the infrastructure.  How long could you survive?

I think this varies widely from person to person and can be somewhat dependent on where you live.  As a whole though, I think our modern society has gotten so used to the wonderful convenience of the seemingly limitless food supply, electricity, and other modern conveniences that we've forgotten some basic survival skills and techniques that would be necessary to sustain us both short and long term if something were to disrupt these luxuries.

See, where I grew up and how I was raised people live a simpler lifestyle, so I learned some basic survival skills because well, the infrastructure isn't as dependable and people still use them.  For instance - if you dont' get the food at the grocery store - where do you get it?  Hunting, fishing, foraging...can you do any of this?  Do you even know of items in your local environment that are safe to eat...?  Or, in the event that you have some canned goods on hand, do you have a manual can opener to open them with?

What about keeping warm?  If it was winter and you didn't have indoor heating because electricity is gone and the gas will run out shortly, can you start a fire?  Cut down a tree?  Do you have the tools to do this?  Honestly, I could probably get a fire started, but we don't have the tools to cut down a tree...I should look into this.

I randomly think about this from time to time.  But also with the abundance of "survival" shows and especially the show "Life after people", I often wonder what would happen.  Then with the whole 2012 apocalypse theory...hmmmm....

I've ultimately decided that despite the fact that I feel I have an edge over a lot of the people I know since I do know how to grow and harvest my own food and start fires, etc. that if something happens I'd grab the supplies I think we could use (clothes, food, tools, etc) and head over to my parents house.  They have a wood stove so they would at least have a source to keep the house warm vs. us who have central heat and air.  They have a well and a stream on their property.  We could cook on the wood stove and boil water on the wood stove.  Plus, my step dad has hunting gear and the tools to cut down trees.  I think we could survive by working together.  It would be quite a change from where we are today, but we could do it.

I'm really hoping that I'll be able to pass along this knowledge and skills to Gianna.  Hopefully she never has to use them, but if she does for some reason, I'll be glad knowing that she has basis survival skills.

So back to my original question...could you survive without electricity?  How long?  Think about it.  Would it help you to learn a few new skills?

Have I told you lately....

You know, I feel like all I'm capable of talking about lately is my kid.  I mean, I love her to death and dammit if she doesn't do something I consider to be the cutest thing ever every single day, but I'm sure some people I see frequently are probably so sick of hearing about G and her latest cute thing.

But then again, I think a lot of moms go through this stage.  Maybe not, but I bet.  I have a few friends like this, but ironically I always did love hearing their stories about their little ones and the neat stuff they did.  Honestly, I find that as my friends kids get older I hear less and less about them and it's kind of sad for me.  I like hearing about them - although I guess as your kids get older things become less cute because they happen more often or get buried amidst the other stupid/annoying/obnoxious things they do? 

I keep thinking/dreaming of the day when G is older and can talk and we can have tea parties, watch girly movies, curled up on the couch with popcorn, do each other's hair, etc etc etc girl stuff I never got to do much as a kid because I was an only child, but got to do on rare occasions with friends or cousins.  But, I'm thinking in reality my kid will probably think this is stupid or due to the rapidly changing society that allows/results in/causes (? - not really sure on this one...) our children to grow up way faster than I know I did as a child.  So my time with my child to enjoy some of this innocent bliss will probably only be possibly in that short amount of time before she goes to school and gets tainted by peer pressure and societal norms.  But for now, I can keep dreaming and talking about all the cute things she did...

Because, seriously what can be cuter than a not so toothless grin (yeah, she has 2 teeth now - one that's up quite a bit and the other that just popped this weekend) and hearing her "I'm doing something I'm not supposed to giggle" because she somehow can't contain herself and always gives away that she's doing something she shouldn't by giggling.  And since G isn't the most affectionate baby on the face of the earth since she's too busy planning for world domination (Yes, something I envision that my child is Stewie from Family Guy secretly plotting to kill me and/or take over the world), when she does take a brief moment out of her schedule to come over and hug my leg or if I'm really lucky climb into my lap and hold on tight in an embrace or lately even give a kiss....(take that naysayers - I got my 10 month old to blow kisses - so what if its the back of her hand and it ends up covered in drool...she does it and it's *adorable*).  Although I do find myself jealous of the Mr. who somehow gets the best smiles and hugs and "da das" screamed up the stairs each morning.  I'm just "ma ma"...no jubilation or excitement here...probably because I'm always around and boring.  But I do elicit the best belly laughs during our playtime and she does come to me for book reading, so I guess we all have our roles in G's life.

I think I could fill encyclopedias (remember those things - I bet some kids now-a-days don't even know what those are due to the Internet...note to self...blog up my thoughts on that one day...and memories...ugh) with the chronicles of G.  When she was a baby and I was home with her I had a blog account dedicated to chronicling our days together and what we did and her accomplishments.  That quickly fell to the side when I went back to work.  Still wish I had somehow managed to keep up with that, but alas I did not.  At least I update her baby book monthly, take monthly photos, and record all of the milestone firsts in her book.  And I still can't cut that one crazy long strand of hair in the front because in my mind it would count as her first hair cut and I'm just emotionally not ready for that.  But damn that hair is like 3 or 4 inches longer than any others and it has to be in the front so it hangs in her face...I'm really surprised she hasn't ripped it out herself at this point.

But there you go, I've rambled on for almost an entire entry about her.  I can't seem to talk about anything else these days.  Please bare with me.  I've got mommy-syndrome.  I'm not sure if there's a cure...maybe the other mommies out there can let me know.

In the meantime, thanks to those of you who awesomely responded via comment, facebook, or email about my last post.  It was awesome to hear from you, get encouragement, and be the lucky recipient of compliments.  I kind of needed them (obviously) and it helped me feel a little better and normal.

~A

Randomosities...

Hello again.

Wasn't really sure what to blog about today or where exactly this post would lead due to my crazy state of mind today, so we'll see when we get there I guess.

I'm feeling kind of down lately.  I'm guessing it's because I haven't done any "Amber" things in I don't even know how long.  My determination to blog again is an attempt to try and start writing again.  See, for those of you who don't know, I used to write a lot and I rather enjoy it.  And I've had a couple things published - two poems and several articles in newspapers.  Surprised?  Yeah, I bet you are.  And the sad part is for the most part I feel like the things I've had published aren't even some of my good stuff, especially the poems.  The articles made good points in what I call my silently rebellious perspective.  So I'd really like to try and get into that again.  I still deep down have my dream of publishing a couple short stories I've written as children's books, so we'll see when/if that ever happens.

I really need to find a way to balance this mommy/Amber thing, although I'm not sure how.  I keep struggling with this.  Any time I'm away from G I tend to feel guilty.  I feel like I already don't spend enough time for her and I keep telling myself quality vs. quantity, but it doesn't help all that much to be honest especially when I think of trying to leave and have some time to myself.  Unfortunately this results in me feeling even more frustrated and down.  Then, on top of it all I have a hard time asking/letting other people watch G and I think this is mostly because of how people have reacted in the past.  I get comments about how she can be fussy (which is funny because around me she's rarely fussy unless she's tired...) or people are just mortified by the whole breast milk bottle thing.  And while we're talking about that, if I were to be able to get out of the house myself, if I'm going to be gone more than 5 or 6 hours, I have to bring the pump.  Man, nursing is so challenging sometimes - I can see why so many people give up.  But I'm determined, so it's a battle I fight every day.

I really miss Amber.  I miss writing, drawing, hanging out with my friends (without a baby in tow), and having some time to myself to read a book or just do something that isn't mommy related or a chore.  Sometimes I feel like this is just way to much to ask...Is it?  Am I being too critical of myself?  I'm so confused.

Then, like any mother (I'm assuming other mothers feel this way...or maybe I'm really losing it) there's always that constant nagging feeling of if I'm doing things right and what others think of me.  I think it would be nice to receive some praise for what I'm doing sometimes.  My wonderful daycare provider sent me a note a while back to tell me she thought I was doing a good job and it just made me feel so great inside.  I think all parents need to hear this more - we really need to stop judging each others decisions and spend more time praising each other.

So with that said, for the one person I know reads by blog (thanks Bean - I love you!...and miss you terribly!) and for anyone else who might stumble across it or read it when I share this on facebook I challenge you to give five compliments out by the end of this week - bonus points for giving them to five different people.  Let me know how it goes - how do they react and how did it make you feel?

~A

PS - I have to drive tomorrow to Boston which causes me great anxiety (irrational I know, but still), so hopefully I survive to blog another day.

Obsessed much?

Have you seen this commercial?

I find myself increasingly disgusted at this commercial.  Seriously?  Are we THAT obsessed with facebook now as a society that we need our car to provide us real time updates as to the status updates of our facebook 'friends'?

And also, how is this not illegal?!  We can't text or talk while driving here in Connecticut, but you can get facebook updates...That's not distracting at all.  I mean seriously if the girl didn't like the first date in the example of this commercial, he probably would have been so distraught that he would have gotten into an accident right?

Now I know I on occasion can be on facebook a lot and post status updates and pander for votes for my child in cute video contests, but if I don't check my facebook page for my friends updates or even log on for that matter for quite some time, I really don't feel affected.  I use facebook to keep in touch and up to date with a lot of friends and family that don't live in the area, but guess what, I can also pick up the phone and call or write a letter.

Which leads me to my second thought.  We as a society don't write enough letters.  I made a resolution to write a letter a week this year - while I'm not keeping to the one letter a week, I'm sure I'll make it up to 26 letters for the year.  It's kind of nice to write a letter, and I mean hand write, and I get excited when I get letters back in the mail.  It's kind of refreshing.  I write my family members, but I do need to start writing friends more.  Like when I see recipes or articles in magazines I think they'd like.  Just to write a short note of encouragement.  I could use one of those for now...but I kind of hope that me writing letters to them might inspire them to write a letter to someone and keep it going...and hey, while we're at it, maybe we'll help the USPS keep from going under...or probably not....

~A

PS - a little G update - she blows kisses now and it's so stinkin' cute!! :)

How's your day goin?

Go ahead.

Ask me.

You know you want to.

I mean, it's 10 AM in the morning...how bad could it be already? 

Well, let's see.  Woken up at 6:30 am by the monkey (yet again...I forgot what sleeping past 630 am is like...).  Then I have to change a massive poop-splosion.  Like, the midst's of this type I haven't seen since G was 3 months old.  The running down the legs, take a moment to debate just throwing the kid away, decide its best to throw the clothes away type of poo.  I really should have taken a photo and been one of 'those' moms.  But I vowed I wouldn't be one of those mom's whose child can't wait to get a hold of the photo album to banish the embarrassing photos to the realms of hell.  No naked pictures of the kid yet, but all bets are off this summer if she decides she enjoys running around naked outside and playing in mud puddles with no clothes on as much as I did when I was a kid.

So anyway, what was I saying.  Finally get that cleaned up, take G upstairs to bathe her because really, if I don't, I'll be thinking of this for the rest of the day...

Finish up and go to our bedroom to take a shower only to find that the dog puked...not once, but twice.  And it was that obnoxiously fluorescent yellow bile puke.  And somehow the Mr. managed to sleep through that (yes, see, I got up at 6:30, he's STILL sleeping at 10 am).  So I have to give the kiddo to the groggy Mr. to watch while I take the dog out, clean him up, feed him, and then lug the steam cleaner upstairs in an attempt to try and prevent the massive spots from staining. Then lug it back downstairs...

All the while, I apparently missed an accomplishment of the monkey that would have made my day - see I've been trying to teach her to blow kisses.  And what did she do while with Daddy in bed whilst Mommy's day was getting oh so much more enjoyable by the minute...blow kisses to Daddy...and the dog. Yep, awesome. Just awesome. And she hasn't done is since. :(

So now I'm sitting here watch the monkey run around like, well a monkey, watching Shrek, and contemplating making some coffee in an attempt to perk up my day.  Hopefully mom calls soon to make plans to go to the Botanical Gardens...or the way my day is going, maybe she'll cancel...ugh.

But midst all of that, I do have to say, G looks ridiculously cute in her new outfit I bought her (Which ironically has a monkey on it and says "How cute am I?"  Thanks Target!  And I have to admit that listening to her run around and yell "Bah" to make an attempt to sound like a roaring monster is pretty cute.  Dammit, now I'm smiling.  I guess my day is starting to look up after all...

Do you ever think about going back in time...what would you tell yourself?

So every now and then I think about this  If I could go back in time, what would I tell myself?  What would I want to change about things that I have happened in my life.

The gut reaction is to say, I'd go back and say don't date so and so or don't take that class or something like that.  But I think that's not only too easy, but would also be direly regrettable.  I mean, all those experiences have made me who I am today and put me where I am today.  Now, maybe if you aren't happy with where you are today, it might be tempting to do such a thing - me, I'm pretty happy with where I'm at.

I'd like to go back and tell myself a few things I know now that would make my life a little easier.  I'm thinking things like: just tell the person you 'like' that you like them instead of playing crazy games, be more confident in yourself, you can do it, don't care about what other people think, and to think of things more in the long term than the short term - ie - if this doesn't happen what will happen in the future.

I think in some of my younger years I spent far too much time playing silly games with boys when in all honesty I could have gotten back so much valuable time by just taking a risk and telling them I was interested.  I also think I spent far too much time worrying about what others would perceive of me if I did x, which ultimately affected my self confidence.  I also spent far too much time worrying about REALLY trivial things like the quality of a paper, the score on a test or assignment, a basketball game, etc.

However, I also think I was pretty good about focusing on some of the important things then and now. 

I'm not a 'spend hours getting ready' type of person because I'd rather have 2 hours of time to spend living life than 1 hour after spending and hour getting ready to look really great while spending time living life.  While I struggle with self-image just like the majority of people I know, I'm also pretty laid back and grounded about myself.  I am who I am and most of the time, I'm okay with that.  I'm not going to lie though - sometimes it does feel good to get all dolled up and look at myself in the mirror and think, DAMN girl, you still got it.  Haven't done anything like that in forever.  In fact, almost all the make up I own is probably well past it's use by date.  I've been thinking lately I'd like to get some new make up so maybe I can get dolled up every now and then again.  See, if you don't wear make up every day, getting dolled up is pretty simple - mascara, blush, and maybe a little eye shadow - actually style my hair (verses my typical brush and let dry method).  Maybe, just maybe if I could find some time to go out and buy said make up sans kiddo, I could get that "wow" look on Joe's face even for a brief moment of time, and I'd probably feel pretty great about doing this...(Note to self, add this to my To Do list, likely falls in place #4,123,456,789 or something about there, so I'll get to it when G is 10).

I tend to find that now-a-days I really have to level-set myself as a mom.  I often feel guilty for the little bit of time I get to spend with G during the week.  But then I come home and have a billion things to do and can get a bit frustrated at trying to clean the house, only to have my little kiddo completely undo said cleaning a moment later in a moment of pure joy and satisfaction at banging to pieces of Tupperware together.  Most of the time, I'm pretty good about realizing it's quality vs. quantity of time I spend with her, so I'll put off said cleaning and get down on all fours and bang Tupperware together with G and make music together.  Maybe you don't like our music, but it elicits giggles of all sorts and viewing the world for even a brief moment through the truly wonderful and optimistic view of a child can just make your day sometimes.  And honestly, what's a better gift or mood booster than seeing a wonderful, silly, pure joy smile on a child's face?  I promise...NOTHING.

Take it or leave it.  That's my thought for the day.  Value this moment, live life to its fullest, and take a moment to bang some Tupperware together and have a giggle before going back to the mundane tasks of putting it all away in its place.

~A

Jumping back in

Almost a year into motherhood and on the verge of losing my sanity due to the non-existent "Amber" time routine I've let myself sink into, I'm jumping back onto the blogging wagon.

Hopefully I'll be able to continue posting about some green topics (I've got a few ideas), but I'd also like to start posting some of my random thoughts/ ideas I've had.  That was my very first intention of this blog - to contain my "Grasso-isms" or random thoughts/views on life and other random things.

So for my followers (or lack there of), here's to the re-start of a wonderful, new relationship.

- A

PS - I love the whole -A thing since it reminds me of "Pretty Little Liars" on ABC Family.  Makes me feel like part of a secret society.  If you don't watch this show...check it out for the love of God!

Summer is here (Green Gardening)

Yep, you heard it here first, you can ignore your calendars - Summer is here. How do I know? Well, I picked a nice, juicy, ripe, red strawberry out of my garden yesterday. And in my silly, nostalgic weirdness, I planned to take a picture to post the evidence here. However, the wonderful scent and beauty of an organically grown strawberry beckoned to me so I ate it first. And it was good - not just good, but delicious. The best strawberry I've had since last September when I ate the last strawberry out of my garden.

Depending on where you live, Green gardening can be a lot of extra work. Luckily for me, it's just been a little extra work and making the right choices.

Building materials:
We built four raised garden beds last year. We decided on raised beds for the weed control since we've watched our neighbors struggle with weeds for years. For weeks I stressed over what material to build them out of - untreated lumber would rot and cause us to have to buy new boards every few years; treated lumber leaches chemicals into the ground and thus the fruit. We ultimately settled on composite boards - the best of both worlds. We got a great deal of them from a local building supply company who had just 8 fascia boards left and were considering throwing them out since it wasn't enough for a big job or so they thought - perfect for our four 8X4 beds that were twelve inches deep.

Soil:
Next I had to fill the beds. Again, I stressed. My original plan was to dig it out of our soil since we had awesome soil, but unfortunately that proved extremely difficult and then I would have had to fill the hole afterwards. So I contacted a local man who had screened loam from a local construction job. Perfect for me. Cheaper and better than buying bags and bags from the store. So we had that delivered and it was very rich and nice soil. I did however put some soil from our yard in the beds mainly because I wanted worms in there so I did dig a few holes and put them in there when I found them.

Plants:
You have two choices here - buy plants and plant seeds. If you want to do green gardening going the plant route, make sure to buy from local places. Not only will you save the environment unnecessary transportation carbon, but you'll also have locally grown plants that will be hardier and better suited to survive in your region. I opt to plant from seeds because its cheaper and for me a little more fulfilling. I'd love to buy local seeds, but I haven't found any suppliers yet so I opt to buy them at a local chain to support the local economy (or at least that's what I tell myself) verses a Wal-mart. I also try to buy organic seeds when I can, but don't get to see many of them. This year I bought three varieties of green beans, okra, zucchini, organic yellow squash, watermelons, peppers, and pumpkins. I have strawberries from last year.

Tending:
Here's where the extra layer of difficulty can come in. If you want to garden the green way, you have to be careful what you put into the soil and on the plants. I opted not to use anything for pest care or fertilizer last year. To pump up my soil this year, I bought some compost instead of getting chemical laden fertilizers. I want to make my own, but need to get a compost bin first so I bought a few bags. I avoid pesticides. Another benefit of the raised beds is that they keep out a lot of pests. The few times I saw pests on the plants, I removed them and smashed the bugs myself verses using chemicals.

Rewards:
So why garden yourself? Well, not only will it save you money if you grow the items you eat, but you can control what's on the produce. Additionally, I've found that my produce tastes so much better. It reminds me of the taste of items from the garden from my childhood. That strawberry I ate - so flavorful (unlike the ones you buy in the store). Finally, you have the produce at the peak of freshness.

I'm looking forward to continuing gardening for years to come and to share in it with my baby girl so she can learn about it and enjoy the bounty of it along with me.

Packing for the Hospital - Labor & Delivery

I meant to post this before Gianna was born, but I figure better late than never. I searched lots of places and inquired in a lot of places when figuring out what to pack in my hospital bags. Because of that and the fact that I see it asked a lot, I figured I'd post a blog about it so I could avoid re-typing the answer and just link here.

So without further ado -

Small toiletry bag for during labor: (I used the small travel toiletry bag that came with our luggage)
- hair ties, clips, and head band - I didn't use them but wished I had to keep bangs out of the way as they were really annoying, but I was too busy coping to ask for them.
- chapstick - Great for dry lips. I didn't end up using this as I didn't need it, but I can see how it would be awesome.
- candy to suck on - I didn't use these at the hospital, but would have liked to. I used them before going to the hospital.
- lotion - didn't use but a good idea in case of dry skin or massage. I brought a travel size Burt's Bee lotion. If I had wanted to be touched and wasn't so hot, it would have been great.
- Change for your partner in case they wanted snacks or food from the vending machine (Joe didn't leave me so not used for us, but if it had been a long labor I could see it being useful)
- Bagged snacks for partner - used postpartum but not during labor, but again would have been good if it was a long labor. I packed a couple 100 calorie snack packs.
- Rice bags for hot/cold. Didn't use since I was crazy hot.
- Light satin robe for walking around - I used it and it was nice. I'd say don't buy one if you don't have one but the fact that it was thigh length ans light material was great since I was so hot, yet it was enough coverage so I felt fine walking around. I wouldn't recommend wearing it in bed, just when walking to avoid getting it dirty unless you plan to throw it out.
- slippers - didn't use until postpartum I just walked in my socks
- extra socks - this is a must!!!! If your feet get cold or you get your socks dirty. I actually ended up throwing out the pair of socks I labored in since they had blood on them - TMI alert, sorry, but true.
- camera - We didn't use ours, our doula took pictures. I originally didn't want any, but in hindsight I'm glad we have them. I doubt we'll show them to anyone, but I'm glad to have them.
- Baby book - so they could put the foot prints in it - try and mark that page - it saves time.
- CD or Ipod with speakers - I forgot mine, but I wasn't too happy with it and had planned to make another CD. I wish we could have had Jack Johnson or The Beatles playing during the birth, oh well.
- Flameless candle - I didn't use, but had wanted to for dim lights. In the end, they dimmed the lights so it was perfect.

Postpartum bag: (I used a black duffel bag the size of a gym bag - the travel toiletry bag fit inside it)
- pillow with a colorful pillow case - great for extra support and for your partner. And it smelled like home which was nice. Make sure the pillow case isn't white so you know it's your pillow and not the hospitals.
- camera chargers
- cell phone charger
- Laptop & charger
- nursing bra if you plan to breastfeed
- going home outfit - I did velour pants, a nursing tank, and a zip up long sleeved velour top - I still looked 7 or 8 months pregnant when I went home so plan on that when choosing your outfit.
- I packed extra underwear but didn't use them - the 'mesh' undies the hospital has are great. They aren't really mesh, more stretchy material and are awesome. I asked for an extra pack to bring home - try and bring as many home as possible.
- extra socks - again - awesome to have.
- toiletries - shampoo, conditioner, soap (the hospital doesn't have these), toothbrush and toothpaste, face lotion, make up, deodorant - anything else you use daily to get ready
- Cash for your partner for parking and snacks - the cafeteria didn't take credit cards.

Diaper bag:
- a newborn size outfit and 0-3 size outfit - in case baby was big.
- a couple blankets - better to be prepared for various types of weather
- Soothing lamb that made sounds - she loved it. We used it in the hospital and the staff loved it too.
- diapers, wipes, etc - we didn't use at the hospital, but good to have in case you have to stop somewhere or so it's already packed for when you get home and decide to venture out.

I'd also recommend a small bag for your partner that has a change or two of clothes and their basics - deodorant, toothbrush, toothpaste, etc.

Welcome to the world Baby Grasso - Gianna's Birth Story

Before and during my pregnancy, I always enjoyed reading other people's birth stories, so I decided to chronicle mine on my blog. That way, if my baby girl ever wants to see what Momma's labor and delivery was like, it'll be here.

I woke up early on Saturday, April 3, 2010 with some rather painful cramps around 8:30 am. Didn't really seem all that out of the ordinary since I'd been having cramps on and off for weeks and I was 41 weeks pregnant according to my Dr.'s office (40 weeks 3 days by my own calculation using my ovulation date). By 9:30 am, I realized that I thought I might be having contractions because I was getting some pretty intense cramps and they kept coming. I got in the shower and then after that I woke up Joe and asked him to take a shower because I thought I might be having contractions and I wasn't sure how fast things would progress. After that he laid on the couch and took a little nap - man was I jealous!

By 11 am I was starting to have some 'bloody show' - I'll spare the details of what that is for those who don't know it (you can google it if you'd like to know), so I was pretty sure this was labor. I called my doula, Severine Degnan of Birth in Harmony, and told her I was pretty sure I was having contractions. She told me to make sure to eat, stay hydrated, and continue moving to get through the contractions and to keep her updated on the progress. They didn't seem to last very long at this point, but we weren't really timing them.

A little while later Joe started timing the contractions - I seemed to be getting them in a somewhat irregular series of three - I'd get one that would last 30 seconds or so, get a minute or two break, then another that would last 45 seconds or so, then get a minute or so break, then get a contraction that would last 15 seconds. Then I would go 6 or 7 minutes before I'd get another series. Since my Dr.'s office and doula said not to worry until they were lasting one minute and consistently 4 - 5 minutes apart, I wasn't too worried, although I was in a lot of pain. Joe was trying to keep his calm, but very stressed and panicked. He was so worried we'd wait to long to go to the hospital. I had him call his parents to come and pick up Kona because I wasn't sure how far off things would be and kind of didn't want the dog around as things progressed, even though he was responding to things surprisingly well.

I tried to take a bath at that point, but laying down was so painful and I just wasn't comfortable. After that I took a shower, which was so nice and helped me relax and get through the pain of a few contractions. By the time I got out, Joe's parents were here. I was thinking they were just going to get the dog and leave, but they hung around for a while and ended up getting something to eat at Weidele's down the road - much to my dismay. I wasn't really comfortable having contractions while they were there and then the food smell was disgusting.

Severine called a couple times to check on us again, but since I was still getting contractions in waves she wasn't too concerned. I remember at some point she said if the contractions didn't start lasting longer by 8 pm to try and get some sleep and all I could think of was, that is NEVER going to happen, way too much pain! Joe was a great labor partner though and read through the acupressure guide Sev had given us and used some of those to help me with the pain and he kept making me eat and drink even though I didn't really want to eat.

Finally Joe's parents left around 5:30 pm or so. I started feeling nauseous and ended up throwing up despite my efforts not to (I had taken a phenergan since I hate throwing up so much!) After that, I took another shower to try and relax and worked through some contractions. That was such a nice reprieve from the pain! I got downstairs again around 6:30 or so and we timed the contractions again - some were starting to last longer, almost a minute or so, but everything said to let it be like that for an hour so we waited some more (much to Joe's dismay this time I'm sure - he was getting very stressed about going to the hospital). I got on the laptop to have a little distraction. Between 7 and 7:30 at some point I felt the need to go the bathroom and as I got up felt a little gush, then when I got to the toilet a large gush - oh boy my water had broken. Now we had to go to the hospital. Joe called Sev to let her know and she said she'd meet us there. I called my Dr's office and spoke to the midwife on duty Kristen to let her know I'd be coming in. I also called the hospital to let them know we were on our way.

Then we got all the things together and headed to the hospital. Ironically, my water breaking was a nice break I needed. My contractions slowed down a lot - almost 15 minutes apart, lasting only a short time and much less intense. It was a nice break, but I was also worried that I'd get to the hospital and be told that I was only a couple centimeters dilated and need pitocin or something. I was so nervous about that. The good side was that this allowed me to text a bunch of people and update facebook so people knew I was in labor and heading to the hospital.

Got to Women & Infants hospital in Providence, RI around 8:45 or so and after all the stories I'd heard about people getting stuck in triage for a long time I was pleasantly surprised to find that I got right in and it was so slow that two nurses were 'battling' over who go to see me. Everything was looking good - my blood pressure was good, the baby's heart beat was good, and finally got an internal to see where things were at. When I saw and felt the woman put four fingers in and spread them out I knew it was good news - I was 7 cm already! Thank God!

Since I was planning a natural, unmedicated birth I asked if the ABC (Alternative Birthing Center) was available. It was! Got into the room - it was so nice. Big queen bed, dimmed lights, and a jacuzzi tub. I got hooked up to get my first dose of medicine since I was GBS positive. While that was working through, Sev suggested we do some walking so Joe, Sev, and I walked around the hospital a bit to try and get my contractions coming again and back up. That sure helped. We went back to the room and I spent a good amount of time squatting bent forward and over the toilet - for whatever reason, those were the most comfortable positions. I think I also hated seeing the fluid and blood that dropped out occasionally when standing and preferred it go in the toilet - still anal retentive while in labor!

I was so hot and Joe and Sev kept putting wet clothes on my head and back. As much as I wanted to use the tub, the thought of hot water at that point was sickening. I started to have some urges to push around 11 pm so they checked me again - I was 9 cm - so close! Around 1145 the urge to push was stronger and they checked me again - still only 9 cm - I had a lip to my cervix pushed in front that needed to move before I should try and push. The midwife Kristen suggested I try and stand vertically or lay down horizontally to get the pressure off the front so that lip could move so I could fully dilate. Laying down was incredibly painful so I opted to stand and sit on the ball - Joe was really helpful here - holding me up, putting pressure on my back and supporting me when contractions came. I was also kind of happy to see that midnight was close so I wouldn't have the baby on my sister in law Stacey's birthday since I wanted Gianna to have her own birthday.

As time went on the urge to push go stronger and stronger. I got sick again, but felt a little better after that. They checked me a few more times and the lip was getting smaller, but not going away. Around 2:30 am they checked me and it was almost gone so Kristen suggested that she try to push it out of the way during my next contraction so I could start pushing after that. They had me lay down and when I got my contraction she used a couple fingers to massage it out of the way and then I was allowed to push. I pushed for a little over three hours, mostly laying in bed with my legs held up by Sev and the nurses. They were starting to worry though because my blood pressure was getting kind of high, but the baby was doing great, so they let me continue to push. Around 5:15 or 5:30 I was getting exhausted and I think the Dr's were really getting worried. I was almost to the breaking point and kept thinking of my Grandfather and how if he made it through a decade of cancer that I COULD do this and needed to keep going.

They had called in an OB to be around (I'm guessing they were starting to think I'd need a c-section) and when I heard that I was determined to get the baby out. I pushed really hard for my next couple of contractions and finally at 5:43 am Gianna Catherine Lee Grasso met the world. They laid her on my stomach, but she was purple from not breathing after being born so they quickly cut her cord and took her to the table where she very quickly screamed, pinked up, and pooped on them - That's my girl! They cleaned her up, weighed her - 7 pounds 13 ounces - and then brought her back to me to have skin to skin contact and to breastfeed.

She was so beautiful and looked so much like Joe. I was surprised that she didn't have a crazy shaped head after all the pushing. She was very awake and alert which surprised all of the staff and us. She nursed and latched on like a pro, which was a relief.

I had the smallest of all tears (to the surprise again of the staff) and didn't need stitches. Pushing out the placenta was more painful than I expected and I needed a dose of pitocin to get it out and to help stop the bleeding, which I was okay with. It finally came out and then we were allowed to bond and relax. They brought me breakfast - which was the best eggs and English muffin I'd had in forever - my God was I hungry! Then I had to pee like crazy - I guess usually woman take a while to pee - not me - like 20 minutes after delivering I was peeing and it felt great!

We finally got up to our room around 8:45 am or so and I had to pee again, so I went again. Lucky me had fulfilled the post delivery requirement of two bathroom trips already, so no more monitoring that. We both had such a rush of adrenaline and spent some time calling, emailing, and texting friends and family to let them know about our beautiful Easter baby.

So that's Gianna's birth story. Looking back, I'm so glad we had a doula - I don't think we ever would have made it through the delivery unmedicated without her. I also think if we hadn't had her there I likely would have ended up with a c-section due to that lip in my cervix and my high blood pressure. She was such a great support system and was a great encouragement. Delivering at the ABC was also a wonderful experience - there was always either a nurse or midwife in there - a lot of time there was a nurse, midwife, Sev, Joe, and I all there - which was so different from what I've heard others say of regular deliveries and more of what I wanted. I'm not sure if we'll have another baby, but if we do, I'm still up in the air if I'll go natural again - it was surprisingly less painful than I expected, but I'm not sure I'd want to have to have any pain next time - although it was nice to have a nice, alert baby afterwards, so I'm up in the air. It did feel very empowering and natural, so we'll cross that bridge when we get there. :) Joe would definitely prefer I do medicated, but I don't know, we'll see.

Either way, all I know is I'm thoroughly enjoying motherhood and I'm amazed at how quickly this lovely girl has transformed my life for the better and filled us both with so much love and joy.

Happy Due Date to me!

So today is my due date - I'm officially 40 weeks pregnant today (don't listen to my Dr's who have me as 3/27/10 - they're wrong!!!). In the spirit of that and the lack of actual pregnancy information in my blog despite my best intentions to capture that, I wanted to talk a little about some green choices you can make during pregnancy and shortly thereafter.

Natural/Med-Free Birth:

So when I first became pregnant and thought about delivery, I originally thought that the epidural and medicated process sounded fine - everybody was doing it right (are we lemmings here people? I thought we were human...but that's a story for another day), but then thankfully someone enlightened me and turned me onto this wonderful documentary called "The Business of Being Born." It was eye opening for sure. It details the modern history of childbirth and compares childbirth statistics in the US verses other countries. What amazed me most is in most other countries, births are at home with doulas or midwives, unmedicated and natural and with that, they have significantly lower infant mortality and delivery complications. Practices in the US are vastly different with more than 80% of births happening in hospitals. In the US, having a baby has become a business where you are a number to the hospital and the quicker you are in and out the better for their bottom line. Unfortunately this has led to increased use of medications and c-sections. The national c-section rate in the United States is over 30%! All of this for a process that women handled naturally and unmedicated for centuries on their own because they trusted their bodies and their bodies knew what to do. In studies they've found that natural and unmedicated births are shorter, babies are healthier, and mothers have much faster healing times.

So my decision was made - I'd rather let my body do what it knows how to do and have a shorter labor. My thought was I'd rather be in a lot of pain for a shorter amount of time and heal faster than have a longer time of muted pain and longer healing times. Plus, many times the medications typically used to 'aid' in labor ultimately feed the c-section cycle. You go in when you are in labor. You ask for/doctors offer an epidural for the pain. The epidural slows down your labor and you are taking too long, so they suggest Pitocin to speed up your contractions - but Pitocin makes the contractions more painful, so you get more pain medication, which slows down labor some more, so more Pitocin is administered. With the stronger contractions the baby is affected more and then all of a sudden you've had a long labor and the baby is stressed and a c-section is recommended. Sound familiar? I'm sure you know at least one women with this story (I know I do!)

So my plan is to go unmedicated. We hired a doula to help me through the process and offer support of unmedicated pain relief techniques such as changing position, massage, and breathing techniques. I feel confident that this will help me through my labor and I'll be very happy with the results, but only time will tell.

What is a Doula?
A Doula (from the ancient Greek meaning "a woman who serves") is a trained and experienced professional who provides continuous physical, emotional and informational support to the mother before, during and just after birth; or who provides emotional and practical support during the postpartum period.
A Doula understand and trusts the natural process of birth, respects its transcendent and sacred aspects as well as its physical and emotional aspects.
A Doula facilitates the birth experience for the parents, the baby and the primary care providers. Benefits of having a birth doula:
50% reduction in the cesarean rate
25% shorter labor
60% reduction in epidural requests
40% reduction in pitocin use
30% reduction in analgesia use
40% reduction in forceps delivery
Parents who have hired a Postpartum doula:
feel more secure and cared for
are more successful in adapting to new family dynamics
have greater success with breastfeeding
have greater self-confidence
have less postpartum depression
have lower incidence of abuse

(Obtained from my doula's website: http://www.birthinharmony.com/home.html)

Breastfeeding:
I've also decided that I want to breastfeed. It's funny how taboo breastfeeding seems to be in society today. We see all sorts of news reports about how offended people get by this when a woman breastfeeds in public, which I find utterly insane! Do people not realize that for centuries that was the only option available to mothers? Formula is a new 'convenience' product that is not only expensive, but not custom manufactured for each baby. Besides that, can one of these people please give me an example of any other living species that provides for its young that uses food that is synthetically produced? No! We are the only species that does this!

According to http://www.whattoexpect.com/,
"It's not false advertising to say that mother's milk is nature's perfect food — and it's no overstatement either. Just as cow's milk is the ideal food for calves and goat's milk the best supper for kids (of the goatish variety), your breast milk is exquisitely tailored to meet the nutritional needs of a newborn human. Human breast milk contains at least 100 ingredients that can't be found in cow's milk and that formula manufacturers have yet to duplicate. It's easy on your baby's delicate tummy, too — breastfed babies' dirty diapers are notoriously less nasty than those of their formula-fed nursery mates (and nursed newborns suffer far less frequently from constipation and almost never from diarrhea). Some babies might be allergic to cow's milk (or soy alternatives), but the odds are slim that your baby's body will object to anything about your milk (except not being able to get to it fast enough)."

There are also a ton of health benefits that come for both mother and baby because of breastfeeding. Benefits for baby include protection from infection (less likely to have ear infections, respiratory tract infections, urinary tract infections and other illnesses because their immune system is helped via antibodies and other factors from mom passed on via the milk), no bacteria (breast milk is sterile and requires no boiling), lower risk of excess weight and obesity, brainier babies (studies show a slight but statistically significant increase in the IQ of babies who are breastfed verses those who are formula fed, possibly due to the increased DHA and extra skin to skin contact with mom), stronger jaws with well developed teeth and palates and fewer cavities later in life (babies have to work extra hard for their breakfast verses being fed from rubber and silicone nipples), and better eating habits (babies get a taste of what mom is eating through the flavor of the milk and this early exposure makes them more open to the tastes later on). New reports also suggest that breastfeeding reduces your child's risk of SIDS.

For mom, there are also healthy side effects of breastfeeding your baby: quicker weight loss (you burn extra calories to produce milk and as baby feeds it triggers the release of oxytocin which helps shrink your uterus), lower risk of uterine and breast cancer, lower risk of bone loss after menopause, and natural birth control (periods are slower to return, although you shouldn't rely solely on this as birth control).

In addition to the health benefits, breastfeed is also essentially free. No formula to buy, no bottles necessary unless you are planning to pump. I've seen the cost savings estimates range from just under $1,000 to over $3,000 depending on the formula type you would have other wise fed and other supplies necessary. Even if you include the costs of nursing supplies (bras, pumps, etc.), you still realize savings.

Also, breastfeeding is convenient and time saving. No going and finding formula, mixing and measuring, warming up, etc. It's an on demand product that is the perfect consistency, mixture, and temperature for your baby. It actually adapts to your babies changing health needs as they grow. This is especially nice for late night feedings - no having to trek around the house to find and prepare formula - simply find baby and feed. Quicker and more convenient for all!

Finally - the diapers are easier to change! Again, from http://www.whattoexpect.com/,
"Your milk also has a lower protein content, which makes it easier for your baby to digest, and its chief protein (lactalbumin) is both more nutritious and more readily broken down than the primary protein in cow's milk (caseinogen).The fats in your milk separate more easily, which is part of the explanation for those sweeter-smelling soiled nappies (as impossible as it may be to believe, the odor really isn't onerous — at least until solids come your baby's way). Finally, unlike formula, which is the same from feeding to feeding and can to can, the milk your body makes will change in composition in response to your baby's needs (and change in taste based on the foods you're eating). "

which leads me to...

Cloth Diapering:

Another option that is both eco-friendly and offers cost savings is cloth diapering. This is another item that seems to be so taboo in social circles. Gone are the crazy cloth diapers from our parents time that require pins and vinyl covers and lots of leaking. Today there are so many more options that either are just as convenient as disposables (further called sposies), but in many cases can be more convenient that sposies.

From http://www.surebaby.com/, "If you plan to use disposable diapers, plan on spending between $1,600-$2,300 by the time your baby is potty-trained. Expect your baby to go through at least 7-8 diapers a day on average and spending $80-$130 a month on diapers alone (especially in the first few months, when changes are more frequent.) Cloth diapering can be just as expensive as disposables if you use a diaper service. If you launder them yourself, you can save money. It is estimated that cloth diapering cost approximately $800-$1,100 by the time your baby is potty-trained (without the diaper service.)" This means that for your first baby, you can save anywhere from $800 or more. The wonderful things about cloth diapers not mentioned in this article is that they can be reused for future babies, significantly increasing your costs savings. For those who only have one, don't fret - you can actually sell your diapers when done with them for a pretty penny - adding more to your savings.

I actually will probably come in significantly under that $800 range since I scored on my set. I bought the Bambino Mio birth to potty kit. Normally selling for $499, I got the entire kit for $249 as a close out from a local retailer. As is, it contained all of the diapers I'd need to diaper baby from birth to potty. I'll likely pick up some more nappys and liners to avoid doing laundry every two days and hopefully stretch it to 3 or 4 days between washings, but even with that it's a substantial savings and they are cute as hell!

So those are my initial thoughts/suggestions for having a Green Baby and Saving some Green during/after pregnancy.

Enjoy!

And...hopefully we'll meet Baby Grasso soon...

A great man died today...

A great man died today. A man I not only owe my life to (literally), but a man who taught me so many things about the world and who helped me become the person I am today. You won't find him in the history books and beyond those who were lucky enough (and I truly mean LUCKY enough) to have actually met him and spent time with him, many won't realize how tragic of a loss the world has experienced.

My Grandfather George Lee Buck, who was more commonly known as Jack, Dad, Grandpa, or Pappy to those around him passed away after close to a decade of fighting cancer and infections. As strong and humbly as he dealt with those battles, it's many of the other battles in life that I'll remember him most for. It's all the lessons he taught me, ever so patiently in his calm and quiet manner that will go on in this world. It's the values and skills that he taught me that have made me the person I am today and that I will hopefully be able to pass onto another generation who will go out and make an impact in this world.

You see, my Grandma was the epitome of a hard working American. One of the good ole' guys who didn't expect the world to give him anything for free, who knew that to earn and get anything you had to go out and work for it - and not just work for it, but work HARD for it. He had the scars, calluses, and other marks to prove it. He fought in World War II and later went on to become the farmer that I remember him to be. I'm sure there are many other things he did in his life that I know nothing about, but these are the things I remember most about him.

From a very young age I loved to spend time with Grandpa. The summers I got to spend at my grandparents house were wonderful and are some of my dearest memories. Even the sweet, sweet smell of Grandpa - it's some combination of soap, aftershave, sweat, grease, oil, and nature. He woke up with the sun and was always working. He worked with his hands and worked hard. You could almost always find him in the garage covered with sweat from head to toe working on something. As busy as he was, he was always willing to show you how to do something or to let you help - and sometimes even happy enough to walk away and share in life's simplest treasures such as catching roly polys or crawdads - and on very special occasions partaking in our tea parties of Grandma's wonderful sweet tea, Orville redenbocker popcorn (that I never could get to taste as good as it does when my Grandma makes it), and cheddar cheese on the car port.

Grandpa, being from the military followed a specific schedule. Breakfast was nice and early - I can't remember the exact time at this point in my life since it's been so long it seems now, but if I recall correctly it was around 7:30 or so. As a child I was a morning person, so I'd wake up to enjoy breakfast with Grandpa. Oh how I valued that time. Sitting at the bar in the kitchen drinking carnation instant breakfast with a twinkie. At least that's how it was most of time. Every now and then we'd have eggs or something else and Welch's grape juice. I remember once Grandpa cooked and made SOS - Shit on Shingles he called it (holy moly I think my Grandfather actually used a curse word once that I know of!). He learned how to make it in the military he said. I think Grandma had an early appointment or something that day and I was lucky enough to be there at that moment to experience Grandpa's cooking. To this day I don't think I've ever had something like biscuits and gravy that tasted so good. And I don't think I've ever seen (or heard of) Grandpa cook ever again.

Lunch, or dinner as he called it, was always served promptly at noon - except on Saturdays when it might stretch to 12:30 or 1. Lunch was another special thing around the house. It was always beans on an alternating schedule - butter beans (Lima beans) one week and then brown (pinto) beans the next - or at least as long as they lasted during the week. We'd have them with bread, cheese, and sometimes summer sausage. Again, Saturdays were special since the beans were usually gone by then and we'd get pizza or something else depending on what Grandpa felt like. After lunch, there was always a nice home made pie - and I mean home made - from scratch. Grandma is a great cook and Grandpa always let her and everyone else know that. She also spoiled us all and usually had two pies or at least a pie and another option and she tried to make your favorite. I always loved pecan pie. Grandpa just liked pie, although I'm pretty sure besides Mississippi mud pie that he got on his birthday that apple or cherry were his favorites. We'd eat dinner and watch the news. I have those recipes that my Grandma sent me. They aren't as good as when she makes it and will never taste as good as they did eating them with Grandpa, but at least I'll always come close to this when I make it.

If we were lucky, after lunch Grandpa would read the paper and read us the funnies. He'd take a short nap usually and then if we were REALLY lucky, he'd have gotten enough done in the morning that we could go out and have some real fun. It might be driving to one of the pastures to check on the cows, going fishing, visiting a friend, or running errands - It didn't really matter what we were doing, just that we were doing it with Grandpa. It seemed like my Grandpa knew everyone and everyone knew him. And everyone loved him it seemed. I don't recall ever seeing my Grandpa in a quarrel with anyone or anything for that matter. One year when I was in fourth or fifth grade I had a project for school I was working on during Christmas break and Grandpa spent the entire afternoon helping me build a semi truck from scratch. We got a Colgate tooth paste long rectangle box and a small Tylenol box. He helped me glue them together to make the cab and trailer. Then he helped me fiberglass resin it so they were nice and sturdy. Then we painted it. Then, he helped me make axles and wheels so my truck would move out of a maple tree limb and random parts he had around the garage. It took us all afternoon and it was the coolest thing I recall ever making. I remember going back to class and being the only person who actually made it from scratch - a lot of other kids didn't even have one and no one else's was home made and actually moved - my darn truck rolled and everything! I'm pretty sure I still have that truck at my mom's house somewhere - with as much resin as it has on it it might survive a nuclear attack. That reminds me that I need to find that somewhere...

Dinner (well, supper as he called it since lunch was dinner) was always around 5:30. And there was always gravy - Grandpa ate gravy on everything - even spaghetti! And I'm not talking red sauce as 'gravy' as the Italians up here in Rhode Island call it, I'm talking creamy gravy. So there'd be pasta with red sauce and meatballs and he'd put good ole' cream gravy on top. Grandpa would drink his sweet tea and enjoy his food. After supper we'd have pie or some other treat again and Grandpa would again lay on the couch and watch the news.

After supper was the best time. Grandpa always had time for fun then. Whether it was playing cards, checkers (we even had a Chinese checkers board), going fishing, etc. it didn't matter because it was fun because Grandpa was there and his smile lit up the world. He had the type of smile that warmed up a room. Very wide and contagious. You couldn't help but feel like everything else in the world was perfect and okay after seeing that smile. Nothing could go wrong or be wrong in its presence. And his laugh - I kind of wish I had a recording of it now because I can almost hear it in my mind, but just not quite. It's been a while since I heard his real laugh as it just wasn't the same after the cancer wore him down. Such a wonderful, heart warming laugh.

Grandpa taught me how to drive. And not just drive, but to drive a manual. He parked me in the bottom of the big dip in the drive to the pond where we used to always have our family reunions and got his fishing pole and tackle box out of the back and walked. He said when I could get out of that dip both forward and backward and come and pick him up I'd be good to go. I can't remember how long it took me to get that little Mitsubishi pick up out of that dip, but I did and he was right - I was good to go.

Grandpa is the reason I went to school for marketing. He'd take the time to look at my writing and my drawings and would ask me what I wanted to do in life. I told him I wasn't sure....he said I should look into marketing...and I did...and he was right...I like it. I always wanted to make him proud and I hope I did.

Grandpa never lost his patience and he had a great way of teaching you all of life's important lessons without lecturing or talking down to you. I learned the value of hard work, morality, truthfulness, loyalty, care, nurturing, and so much more from him. I learned about working with my hands and working with the soil and animals. You see, Grandpa never coddled me because I was a girl - he let me help and taught me about things. It's why I'm not afraid of worms and bugs. And it's why I know a lot of what I know today and why I'm not afraid to try and do things with my hands or even try try and do things at all - I'm not afraid of failing you see. Failure is just a chance to learn and to try harder to get it done.

Selfishly, I really wish that my daughter would have had a chance to meet him and learn from him like I did - or at least know how great of a man he was. But I think I knew it wouldn't happen as sick as he's been lately and the more rational part of me is glad that his suffering is over and he's in a happier place now where he can work as much as he wants without pain and without worrying about the weather outside. I was really hoping he would at least last until my baby was born so he could know her name and know that we are naming her partly after him.

I also wish I had more pictures of him - especially from the good times. You see, like me, Grandpa didn't like getting his picture taken so there aren't that many pictures of him that I know of. I have a few myself. I do have some of his military photos from the 50's and I have to say I can see why my Grandma fell in love with him. I don't like to look too much at the recent photos as that's not the way I want to remember Grandpa. I like to remember him from the good days when he was strong and happy. When he always had sunflower seeds in his pick up to snack on from when he quit smoking...yet another battle he won.

A great man died today. For the few who might read this, you probably won't think of this again after today. For me though, I wouldn't be here without this man - his blood flows through my veins (we share the same blood type ironically), the sparkle in his eye is also in my eye, and the orneriness that we shared - all of this will go on in me. I can only hope to pass this on in my daughter and hope that from time to time he can and will look down on us and smile that wonderful smile of his, knowing how wonderful of a job he did being a Grandpa and great man and knowing how much of an impact he had on our world.

Yes to...Tomatoes?

I know, I know, that's one of the last things anyone ever thought they'd hear from my mouth right? Yes to Tomatoes?! Of all things, tomatoes? One of my arch-rivals in life? I've actually gotten a little better and enjoy cooked and sun dried tomatoes. I still consider raw tomatoes my nemesis, but I'm making progress.

Anyway, as much as I enjoyed the Kiss My Face products, my skin didn't seem to love them. It was always red and starting to break out like crazy. I admit, it could be the pregnancy hormones, but I was ready to try something else.

So last time I was out and about at Target (I know, I know, I do shop a lot at Target, but they are convenient and actually carry a lot of eco-friendly products) I scanned the eco-friendly beauty aisle for something new to try and stumbled onto the Yes to line by Yes to Carrots: http://www.yestocarrots.com/

They have several different product lines:
Yes to Carrots - For Normal to Dry Skin

Yes to Tomatoes - For Oily/Combination Skin
Yes to Cucumbers - For Normal to Sensitive Skin

See http://www.yestocarrots.com/?CategoryID=163 for complete details on each product.

Being that I was having issues with Oily/Combo skin, I decided to try to the Tomatoes line based on the description: combines red organic fruits and vegetables and dead sea minerals.

I opted to try the starter kit which was $19.99 and included face lotion, cleanser, and a face mask:

I've been using the products for a little over a week and I've already noticed a nice difference. A lot of my break outs have cleared up and my skin feels much better. It was a little red for a few days, but then again, it was red before using, so it could be the healing. None of the ingredients I've seen to avoid are in here and there are lots of organic ingredients. It has a nice, appealing scent. I especially like the cleanser. The face lotion might not be moisturizing enough for me, although I need to give it more time to determine that for sure. I like the mask as well.

So, here's another green beauty product you can try if you are looking to switch. And, I now have another reason to like tomatoes a little more...

~Amber

Foam Soap

One of the only DIY Green Cleaning items I've started doing myself is making my own foaming hand soap. Before I realized how many chemicals were in the typical foaming soaps, I used to love and stock up on the Bath and Body Works anti-bacterial foaming soaps. I loved them! Convenient, nice scents, and leaves your hands feeling good.

What I didn't realize however, was that a lot of those chemicals weren't good for me or my septic system. Upon learning that, I inquired around for a better alternative and was given a recipe that has worked wonders, saves us a ton of money, and no one besides me is the wiser. I actually prefer this home made version now.

So, what do you need? It's so simple, I promise you that truly ANYONE can do it.

- A soap dispenser
- Water - regular ole tap water is fine, that's what I use
- Liquid Castile Soap

I use Dr. Bonner's soap. I bought the large 32 ounce Lavender scent. In hindsight, I'm not the biggest lavender fan, so I should have bought another scent or unscented and found my own essential oil. You can buy Dr. Bonners in unscented, lavender, peppermint, almond, and eucalyptus. And, lucky for me and hopefully you, it's conveniently available at Target. I paid around $12.99 for the 32 ounce bottle. I was previously paying $3.99 or so per bottle of the Bath & Body soaps, so after 4 bottles, I'm saving money and believe me, I've already made it there.

Here's what it looks like - In my Target, it's right near the Burt's Bees and other natural cosmetic products.

How do you make it?

- 1 part Castile soap
- 9 parts water

Open your foam soap dispenser, pour in one part castile soap and 9 parts water. It doesn't have to be exact - I eye ball it and it's come out fine every time. Put in the soap first, then add in the water slowly, letting the water drain down the side of the dispenser kind of like pouring beer to minimize foam. Leave a little room at the top and seal the dispenser. Roll around gently (no need to shake, I simply flip it up and down slowly a couple times) just to get it to mix. And you are ready to go!

It's that simple and you'll find that you're quickly saving money. There are also tons of other uses for the Castile soap, but I haven't ventured there yet. I've made what seems like dozens of bottles of soap already and hardly made a dent in my Dr. Bonner's...So it could literally last me forever. If not, I'll eventually buy the unscented and make my own scents, but until then, I'll continue using the lavender and love my soap (and the extra money in my pocket)!

Until next time

~Amber

The wonder of cloth napkins and dish towels....

As another foray into going green, I've been trying to reduce the amount of paper products we use in the house. I'm not game to going toilet paper free like some folks, but I have reduced my TP usage. However, paper towels and napkins was one area I felt like I could make a huge dent.

So, I hung up towels in the kitchens and bathrooms to use when drying hands and for wiping small spills, etc. That helped quite a bit and Joe didn't seem to mind a bit. I actually find that the towels are better at drying anyway and don't dry out or hurt my hands. Then, when I do laundry each week, I throw them in with the wash. No harm no foul and all is good.

Cloth napkins was my next step to using less paper products. I picked up some at Job Lot - three packs of four for a grand total cost of $6 - yep, cost me $2 per pack of 4. I took a long time figuring out what style to get - I didn't want something that was really nice looking so people wouldn't want to use them and I didn't want something plain and white so stains would show. I ended up with a cotton/poly blend mocha color that works nicely. I definitely could have easily made some out of spare rags or old clothes, but I kind of wanted some nicer looking ones. I put them in the napkin holder next to the paper towels. Joe took a little while longer to adapt to this one and he continued to grab paper towels (instead of napkins since I ran out and didn't buy more) to use as paper towels. It helps when I hand him one with his meals, and he'll use it fine, but still seems to grab for the paper first. I'll win him over yet eventually.

However, the strangest thing happens when other people come over to the house. Friends, family, whoever. If you give them a cloth napkin with their meal it's like they are afraid to use them and spoil them or something. We put them out with Christmas dinner and so few people actually used their napkins. Then we had friends over the other night and had pizza and they kept asking if it was okay to use the napkins and then when dinner was done what they should do with them - I think someone even asked if they should throw them away. I kept saying, it's fine, just leave them there and I'll put them in the wash. They were all concerned about the grease stains and I kept saying it was fine.

So strange that we have this stigma with cloth napkins and products that are easy substitutions for paper products. You go to a fancy restaurant and they have cloth napkins there? So why not use normal cloth napkins at home? Enjoy the 'luxury' of it - and while you're at it, save the earth a few trees at a time!

Green Beauty Article

So I found a great article on Green Cosmetics that includes a Dirty Dozen Chemicals to avoid and wanted to share. I found it on a new awesome Green site I plan to thoroughly search and use to share lots of info (http://www.thegreenguide.com/).



In the meantime, enjoy:


The Dirty Dozen Chemicals in Cosmetics
by Catherine Zandonella
September 18, 2007



Beauty is only skin deep, but the products we use to attain it contain chemicals that may penetrate far deeper. The average adult uses nine personal care products a day, with roughly 120 chemicals spread among them, many of which are incompletely tested for toxicity.
Below we've listed 12 chemicals that are best avoided. A single exposure to any of them is unlikely to cause harm, but daily exposure over a lifetime may add up. When shopping, be prepared to spend some time reading labels; even brands that advertise themselves as "natural" or "botanical" have been known to include some of these.


1. Antibacterials - Overuse of antibacterials can prevent them from effectively fighting disease-causing germs like E. coli and Salmonella enterica. Triclosan, widely used in soaps, toothpastes and deodorants, has been detected in breast milk, and one recent study found that it interferes with testosterone activity in cells. Numerous studies have found that washing with regular soap and warm water is just as effective at killing germs.


2. Coal Tar - Coal tar is a known human carcinogen used as an active ingredient in dandruff shampoos and anti-itch creams. Coal-tar-based dyes such as FD&C Blue 1, used in toothpastes, and FD&C Green 3, used in mouthwash, have been found to be carcinogenic in animal studies when injected under skin.


3. Diethanolamine (DEA) - DEA is a possible hormone disruptor, has shown limited evidence of carcinogenicity and depletes the body of choline needed for fetal brain development. DEA can also show up as a contaminant in products containing related chemicals, such as cocamide DEA.


4. 1,4-Dioxane - 1,4-Dioxane is a known animal carcinogen and a possible human carcinogen that can appear as a contaminant in products containing sodium laureth sulfate and ingredients that include the terms "PEG," "-xynol," "ceteareth," "oleth" and most other ethoxylated "eth" ingredients. The FDA monitors products for the contaminant but has not yet recommended an exposure limit. Manufacturers can remove dioxane through a process called vacuum stripping, but a small amount usually remains. A 2007 survey by the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics found that most children's bath products contain 10 parts per million or less, but an earlier 2001 survey by the FDA found levels in excess of 85 parts per million.


5. Formaldehyde - Formaldehyde has a long list of adverse health effects, including immune-system toxicity, respiratory irritation and cancer in humans. Yet it still turns up in baby bath soap, nail polish, eyelash adhesive and hair dyes as a contaminant or break-down product of diazolidinyl urea, imidazolidinyl urea and quaternium compounds.


6. Fragrance - The catchall term "fragrance" may mask phthalates, which act as endocrine disruptors and may cause obesity and reproductive and developmental harm. Avoid phthalates by selecting essential-oil fragrances instead.



7. Lead and Mercury - Neurotoxic lead may appear in products as a naturally occurring contaminant of hydrated silica, one of the ingredients in toothpaste, and lead acetate is found in some brands of men's hair dye. Brain-damaging mercury, found in the preservative thimerosol, is used in some mascaras.


8. Nanoparticles - Tiny nanoparticles, which may penetrate the skin and damage brain cells, are appearing in an increasing number of cosmetics and sunscreens. Most problematic are zinc oxide and titanium dioxide nanoparticles, used in sunscreens to make them transparent. When possible, look for sunscreens containing particles of these ingredients larger than 100 nanometers. You'll most likely need to call companies to confirm sizes, but a few manufacturers have started advertising their lack of nanoparticle-sized ingredients on labels.


9. Parabens(methyl-, ethyl-, propyl-, butyl-, isobutyl-) - Parabens, which have weak estrogenic effects, are common preservatives that appear in a wide array of toiletries. A study found that butyl paraben damaged sperm formation in the testes of mice, and a relative, sodium methylparaben, is banned in cosmetics by the E.U. Parabens break down in the body into p-hydroxybenzoic acid, which has estrogenic activity in human breast-cancer cell cultures.


10. Petroleum Distillates - Possible human carcinogens, petroleum distillates are prohibited or restricted for use in cosmetics in the E.U. but are found in several U.S. brands of mascara, foot-odor powder and other products. Look out for the terms "petroleum" or "liquid paraffin."


11. P-Phenylenediamine - Commonly found in hair dyes, this chemical can damage the nervous system, cause lung irritation and cause severe allergic reactions. It's also listed as 1,4-Benzenediamine; p-Phenyldiamine and 4-Phenylenediamine.


12. Hydroquinone - Found in skin lighteners and facial moisturizers, hydroquinone is neurotoxic and allergenic, and there's limited evidence that it may cause cancer in lab animals. It may also appear as an impurity not listed on ingredients labels.



What You Can Do
-Complain to your drugstore when you see unhealthy ingredients in their consumer products. They may be unaware.
-Visit www.safecosmetics.org/companies to find companies that have signed the Compact for Safe Cosmetics, a pledge to remove chemicals linked to cancer, birth defects and other health problems.
-Take action in support of your right to buy safe personal care products at www.safecosmetics.org/action.


Resources:
Campaign for Safe Cosmetics: http://www.safecosmetics.org/
Skin Deep: http://www.cosmeticdatabase.com/
National Library of Medicine's Household Products Database: http://www.householdproducts.nlm.nih.gov/

Green Eggs & Ham (aka Green Eating)

So instead of writing about more ecofriendly cosmetics next, I figured I'd take my first trip into the land of more ecofriendly eating habits and share what I know and have learned so far. This has been a more challenging area for me to fully commit to and even though a lot of fellow 'greenies' tend to recommend this as one of the first things to do when becoming more earth-conscious, it's definitely been a struggle for me. On the good side, there's a whole spectrum of choices you can make to green your eating habits and even the smallest of steps is a big step in the right direction.

The steps basically result in smaller carbon foot prints or lower chemical impact. What's so bad about the chemicals you ask? Well, the chemicals can have an affect on the environment in many ways as we hear about every day on the news. In addition to that though, chemicals even in small doses have been found to cause lasting damage to human health, especially during fetal development and early childhood development. So now we all know why this has become increasingly important to me.

• Eat more locally produced/grown and in season foods -Depending on where you live, this could be extremely easy or somewhat challenging. Even if you live in a less temperate area, there is still probably at least a short growing season. Eating foods that are grown locally and in season is very earth friendly. It saves foods from otherwise having to be packaged, preserved, and shipped all across the world. This means a much smaller carbon footprint and very likely that the foods have much fewer chemicals on the food that could leach into the environment or into your body. This includes fruits, veggies, and meats.
  
  Not only is this better for the environment, but it could also save you some money. These foods and you'll likely find that these foods taste better. These are likely the same foods you'll see on weekly special in the produce section of your grocery store during the growing season. In many areas of the US this includes squashes, green beans, tomatoes, corn, peppers, strawberries, apples, okra, eggplant and other similar produce items during the summer and parts of the fall. Because these products are in abundance during their in season time, they'll be on sale and will likely taste the freshest. With the increased popularity of farmers markets and CSAs you can likely find a farm in your area where you can support your local economy and likely find farmers that practice sustainable farming practices that results in better standards for the environment and better tasting food. I'll talk more about CSAs at another point, but these are definitely a great option to look into.


• Organic Foods - Organic foods have specific standards and practices that must be followed for items to be classified as organic. These products are grown sustainably and don't have harmful pesticides and chemicals on them. They also are not genetically modified and if you ever had produce straight from a garden and remember the taste of it, you'll likely recognize organic produce as having that familiar very wonderful and aromatic taste that a lot of your regular veggies don't have. With that said, many times you'll find that organic veggies and fruits are more expensive than your conventional produce. This is because the organic certification costs farmers money to obtain and the sustainable and ecofriendly processes they follow tend to be more costly to maintain.
  
  With that said, there are two options I'd recommend following if you are like me and don't have an unlimited food shopping budget. Consider locally grown produce and talk to the farmers. Many of them grow their products using organic methods, but haven't obtained certification due to the cost of doing so. Therefore you are getting local, organic products (which is essentially the best of both worlds for you and our environment) without the higher cost associated with it.
  
  If you aren't fortunate enough to have local farms near you or their hours of operation don't match up with your schedule, consider buying organic produce for only the top 'dirty dozen' products first and the clean 15 last. See http://www.foodnews.org/walletguide.php for a handy wallet guide you can print out.
  
  Basically, the top most pesticide ridden products (meaning the most chemicals are used during the growing process and/or the chemicals are absorbed more into the produce) are in order: 1) Peaches 2) Apples 3) Bell Peppers 4) Celery 5) Nectarine 6) Strawberries 7) Cherries 8) Kale 9) Lettuce 10) Imported Grapes 11) Carrots 12) Pears. So if you enjoy these foods, buy these in organic as your first step towards eating Green. Also consider growing these yourself if you can in a sustainable manner. I started growing strawberries last year and I can't even begin to tell you how wonderful they tasted - they actually tasted like I remember strawberries from my childhood garden tasting and I remembered why I enjoyed them so much. I also want to grow my own apples and peaches, but for now I've been buying them from a local farm that practices sustainable growing methods. If you grow them yourself or talk to the farmers who do grow them, you can know exactly what pesticides and chemicals are on your products.
  
  The top 15 clean products (meaning that fewer chemicals are used and the chemicals leach into them the least during the growing process) that you should switch to organic last are in order: 1) Onion 2) Avocado 3) Sweet Corn 4) Pineapple 5) Mango 6) Asparagus 7) Sweet Peas 8) Kiwi 9) Cabbage 10) Eggplant 11) Papaya 12) Watermelon 13) Broccoli 14) Tomato and 15) Sweet Potato.
  
• Eat less processed food. When grocery shopping, this means staying on the perimeters of the store. When you look at boxed and packaged goods, the more items you can't pronounce the worse it is for you typically. I was amazed to find out the canned goods I'd been eating for so long were actually not very good for me. The cans are lined with BPA - yep the same stuff that was in the plastic scares - to prevent rusting. Plus most of them have a lot of salt and other chemicals in them. Simply switching to frozen or glass jarred versions of your canned goods is a great way to eat better for yourself and your family.
  
  This one is a more difficult one for me because while I can easily make some of the boxed goods without processed materials (such as home made mac n cheese) it's way more convenient and quicker to fix from a box. Especially after working 8-10 hour days and when you aren't feeling good (like being 9 months pregnant for instance) fixing something a box is much easier and can be much cheaper than shredding cheese, boiling pasta, making sauce, etc. So do what you can here, but keep in mind it's better for you and your family to avoid these foods as much as possible.

So that's my advice for taking the first few steps towards eating healthier. If you are lucky, you'll have a Whole Foods or Trader Joe's near you so you can buy more ecofriendly and healthy versions of these foods without having to worry much. Unfortunately for me, I don't have any very close by, so I'm frequently left having to make the best choices with the resources I have.

As I learn more and have more time, I'll go more in depth into other options you can take as you evolve further into your new found green and crunchy lifestyle.

~Amber