Randomosities...

Hello again.

Wasn't really sure what to blog about today or where exactly this post would lead due to my crazy state of mind today, so we'll see when we get there I guess.

I'm feeling kind of down lately.  I'm guessing it's because I haven't done any "Amber" things in I don't even know how long.  My determination to blog again is an attempt to try and start writing again.  See, for those of you who don't know, I used to write a lot and I rather enjoy it.  And I've had a couple things published - two poems and several articles in newspapers.  Surprised?  Yeah, I bet you are.  And the sad part is for the most part I feel like the things I've had published aren't even some of my good stuff, especially the poems.  The articles made good points in what I call my silently rebellious perspective.  So I'd really like to try and get into that again.  I still deep down have my dream of publishing a couple short stories I've written as children's books, so we'll see when/if that ever happens.

I really need to find a way to balance this mommy/Amber thing, although I'm not sure how.  I keep struggling with this.  Any time I'm away from G I tend to feel guilty.  I feel like I already don't spend enough time for her and I keep telling myself quality vs. quantity, but it doesn't help all that much to be honest especially when I think of trying to leave and have some time to myself.  Unfortunately this results in me feeling even more frustrated and down.  Then, on top of it all I have a hard time asking/letting other people watch G and I think this is mostly because of how people have reacted in the past.  I get comments about how she can be fussy (which is funny because around me she's rarely fussy unless she's tired...) or people are just mortified by the whole breast milk bottle thing.  And while we're talking about that, if I were to be able to get out of the house myself, if I'm going to be gone more than 5 or 6 hours, I have to bring the pump.  Man, nursing is so challenging sometimes - I can see why so many people give up.  But I'm determined, so it's a battle I fight every day.

I really miss Amber.  I miss writing, drawing, hanging out with my friends (without a baby in tow), and having some time to myself to read a book or just do something that isn't mommy related or a chore.  Sometimes I feel like this is just way to much to ask...Is it?  Am I being too critical of myself?  I'm so confused.

Then, like any mother (I'm assuming other mothers feel this way...or maybe I'm really losing it) there's always that constant nagging feeling of if I'm doing things right and what others think of me.  I think it would be nice to receive some praise for what I'm doing sometimes.  My wonderful daycare provider sent me a note a while back to tell me she thought I was doing a good job and it just made me feel so great inside.  I think all parents need to hear this more - we really need to stop judging each others decisions and spend more time praising each other.

So with that said, for the one person I know reads by blog (thanks Bean - I love you!...and miss you terribly!) and for anyone else who might stumble across it or read it when I share this on facebook I challenge you to give five compliments out by the end of this week - bonus points for giving them to five different people.  Let me know how it goes - how do they react and how did it make you feel?

~A

PS - I have to drive tomorrow to Boston which causes me great anxiety (irrational I know, but still), so hopefully I survive to blog another day.

Packing for the Hospital - Labor & Delivery

I meant to post this before Gianna was born, but I figure better late than never. I searched lots of places and inquired in a lot of places when figuring out what to pack in my hospital bags. Because of that and the fact that I see it asked a lot, I figured I'd post a blog about it so I could avoid re-typing the answer and just link here.

So without further ado -

Small toiletry bag for during labor: (I used the small travel toiletry bag that came with our luggage)
- hair ties, clips, and head band - I didn't use them but wished I had to keep bangs out of the way as they were really annoying, but I was too busy coping to ask for them.
- chapstick - Great for dry lips. I didn't end up using this as I didn't need it, but I can see how it would be awesome.
- candy to suck on - I didn't use these at the hospital, but would have liked to. I used them before going to the hospital.
- lotion - didn't use but a good idea in case of dry skin or massage. I brought a travel size Burt's Bee lotion. If I had wanted to be touched and wasn't so hot, it would have been great.
- Change for your partner in case they wanted snacks or food from the vending machine (Joe didn't leave me so not used for us, but if it had been a long labor I could see it being useful)
- Bagged snacks for partner - used postpartum but not during labor, but again would have been good if it was a long labor. I packed a couple 100 calorie snack packs.
- Rice bags for hot/cold. Didn't use since I was crazy hot.
- Light satin robe for walking around - I used it and it was nice. I'd say don't buy one if you don't have one but the fact that it was thigh length ans light material was great since I was so hot, yet it was enough coverage so I felt fine walking around. I wouldn't recommend wearing it in bed, just when walking to avoid getting it dirty unless you plan to throw it out.
- slippers - didn't use until postpartum I just walked in my socks
- extra socks - this is a must!!!! If your feet get cold or you get your socks dirty. I actually ended up throwing out the pair of socks I labored in since they had blood on them - TMI alert, sorry, but true.
- camera - We didn't use ours, our doula took pictures. I originally didn't want any, but in hindsight I'm glad we have them. I doubt we'll show them to anyone, but I'm glad to have them.
- Baby book - so they could put the foot prints in it - try and mark that page - it saves time.
- CD or Ipod with speakers - I forgot mine, but I wasn't too happy with it and had planned to make another CD. I wish we could have had Jack Johnson or The Beatles playing during the birth, oh well.
- Flameless candle - I didn't use, but had wanted to for dim lights. In the end, they dimmed the lights so it was perfect.

Postpartum bag: (I used a black duffel bag the size of a gym bag - the travel toiletry bag fit inside it)
- pillow with a colorful pillow case - great for extra support and for your partner. And it smelled like home which was nice. Make sure the pillow case isn't white so you know it's your pillow and not the hospitals.
- camera chargers
- cell phone charger
- Laptop & charger
- nursing bra if you plan to breastfeed
- going home outfit - I did velour pants, a nursing tank, and a zip up long sleeved velour top - I still looked 7 or 8 months pregnant when I went home so plan on that when choosing your outfit.
- I packed extra underwear but didn't use them - the 'mesh' undies the hospital has are great. They aren't really mesh, more stretchy material and are awesome. I asked for an extra pack to bring home - try and bring as many home as possible.
- extra socks - again - awesome to have.
- toiletries - shampoo, conditioner, soap (the hospital doesn't have these), toothbrush and toothpaste, face lotion, make up, deodorant - anything else you use daily to get ready
- Cash for your partner for parking and snacks - the cafeteria didn't take credit cards.

Diaper bag:
- a newborn size outfit and 0-3 size outfit - in case baby was big.
- a couple blankets - better to be prepared for various types of weather
- Soothing lamb that made sounds - she loved it. We used it in the hospital and the staff loved it too.
- diapers, wipes, etc - we didn't use at the hospital, but good to have in case you have to stop somewhere or so it's already packed for when you get home and decide to venture out.

I'd also recommend a small bag for your partner that has a change or two of clothes and their basics - deodorant, toothbrush, toothpaste, etc.

Welcome to the world Baby Grasso - Gianna's Birth Story

Before and during my pregnancy, I always enjoyed reading other people's birth stories, so I decided to chronicle mine on my blog. That way, if my baby girl ever wants to see what Momma's labor and delivery was like, it'll be here.

I woke up early on Saturday, April 3, 2010 with some rather painful cramps around 8:30 am. Didn't really seem all that out of the ordinary since I'd been having cramps on and off for weeks and I was 41 weeks pregnant according to my Dr.'s office (40 weeks 3 days by my own calculation using my ovulation date). By 9:30 am, I realized that I thought I might be having contractions because I was getting some pretty intense cramps and they kept coming. I got in the shower and then after that I woke up Joe and asked him to take a shower because I thought I might be having contractions and I wasn't sure how fast things would progress. After that he laid on the couch and took a little nap - man was I jealous!

By 11 am I was starting to have some 'bloody show' - I'll spare the details of what that is for those who don't know it (you can google it if you'd like to know), so I was pretty sure this was labor. I called my doula, Severine Degnan of Birth in Harmony, and told her I was pretty sure I was having contractions. She told me to make sure to eat, stay hydrated, and continue moving to get through the contractions and to keep her updated on the progress. They didn't seem to last very long at this point, but we weren't really timing them.

A little while later Joe started timing the contractions - I seemed to be getting them in a somewhat irregular series of three - I'd get one that would last 30 seconds or so, get a minute or two break, then another that would last 45 seconds or so, then get a minute or so break, then get a contraction that would last 15 seconds. Then I would go 6 or 7 minutes before I'd get another series. Since my Dr.'s office and doula said not to worry until they were lasting one minute and consistently 4 - 5 minutes apart, I wasn't too worried, although I was in a lot of pain. Joe was trying to keep his calm, but very stressed and panicked. He was so worried we'd wait to long to go to the hospital. I had him call his parents to come and pick up Kona because I wasn't sure how far off things would be and kind of didn't want the dog around as things progressed, even though he was responding to things surprisingly well.

I tried to take a bath at that point, but laying down was so painful and I just wasn't comfortable. After that I took a shower, which was so nice and helped me relax and get through the pain of a few contractions. By the time I got out, Joe's parents were here. I was thinking they were just going to get the dog and leave, but they hung around for a while and ended up getting something to eat at Weidele's down the road - much to my dismay. I wasn't really comfortable having contractions while they were there and then the food smell was disgusting.

Severine called a couple times to check on us again, but since I was still getting contractions in waves she wasn't too concerned. I remember at some point she said if the contractions didn't start lasting longer by 8 pm to try and get some sleep and all I could think of was, that is NEVER going to happen, way too much pain! Joe was a great labor partner though and read through the acupressure guide Sev had given us and used some of those to help me with the pain and he kept making me eat and drink even though I didn't really want to eat.

Finally Joe's parents left around 5:30 pm or so. I started feeling nauseous and ended up throwing up despite my efforts not to (I had taken a phenergan since I hate throwing up so much!) After that, I took another shower to try and relax and worked through some contractions. That was such a nice reprieve from the pain! I got downstairs again around 6:30 or so and we timed the contractions again - some were starting to last longer, almost a minute or so, but everything said to let it be like that for an hour so we waited some more (much to Joe's dismay this time I'm sure - he was getting very stressed about going to the hospital). I got on the laptop to have a little distraction. Between 7 and 7:30 at some point I felt the need to go the bathroom and as I got up felt a little gush, then when I got to the toilet a large gush - oh boy my water had broken. Now we had to go to the hospital. Joe called Sev to let her know and she said she'd meet us there. I called my Dr's office and spoke to the midwife on duty Kristen to let her know I'd be coming in. I also called the hospital to let them know we were on our way.

Then we got all the things together and headed to the hospital. Ironically, my water breaking was a nice break I needed. My contractions slowed down a lot - almost 15 minutes apart, lasting only a short time and much less intense. It was a nice break, but I was also worried that I'd get to the hospital and be told that I was only a couple centimeters dilated and need pitocin or something. I was so nervous about that. The good side was that this allowed me to text a bunch of people and update facebook so people knew I was in labor and heading to the hospital.

Got to Women & Infants hospital in Providence, RI around 8:45 or so and after all the stories I'd heard about people getting stuck in triage for a long time I was pleasantly surprised to find that I got right in and it was so slow that two nurses were 'battling' over who go to see me. Everything was looking good - my blood pressure was good, the baby's heart beat was good, and finally got an internal to see where things were at. When I saw and felt the woman put four fingers in and spread them out I knew it was good news - I was 7 cm already! Thank God!

Since I was planning a natural, unmedicated birth I asked if the ABC (Alternative Birthing Center) was available. It was! Got into the room - it was so nice. Big queen bed, dimmed lights, and a jacuzzi tub. I got hooked up to get my first dose of medicine since I was GBS positive. While that was working through, Sev suggested we do some walking so Joe, Sev, and I walked around the hospital a bit to try and get my contractions coming again and back up. That sure helped. We went back to the room and I spent a good amount of time squatting bent forward and over the toilet - for whatever reason, those were the most comfortable positions. I think I also hated seeing the fluid and blood that dropped out occasionally when standing and preferred it go in the toilet - still anal retentive while in labor!

I was so hot and Joe and Sev kept putting wet clothes on my head and back. As much as I wanted to use the tub, the thought of hot water at that point was sickening. I started to have some urges to push around 11 pm so they checked me again - I was 9 cm - so close! Around 1145 the urge to push was stronger and they checked me again - still only 9 cm - I had a lip to my cervix pushed in front that needed to move before I should try and push. The midwife Kristen suggested I try and stand vertically or lay down horizontally to get the pressure off the front so that lip could move so I could fully dilate. Laying down was incredibly painful so I opted to stand and sit on the ball - Joe was really helpful here - holding me up, putting pressure on my back and supporting me when contractions came. I was also kind of happy to see that midnight was close so I wouldn't have the baby on my sister in law Stacey's birthday since I wanted Gianna to have her own birthday.

As time went on the urge to push go stronger and stronger. I got sick again, but felt a little better after that. They checked me a few more times and the lip was getting smaller, but not going away. Around 2:30 am they checked me and it was almost gone so Kristen suggested that she try to push it out of the way during my next contraction so I could start pushing after that. They had me lay down and when I got my contraction she used a couple fingers to massage it out of the way and then I was allowed to push. I pushed for a little over three hours, mostly laying in bed with my legs held up by Sev and the nurses. They were starting to worry though because my blood pressure was getting kind of high, but the baby was doing great, so they let me continue to push. Around 5:15 or 5:30 I was getting exhausted and I think the Dr's were really getting worried. I was almost to the breaking point and kept thinking of my Grandfather and how if he made it through a decade of cancer that I COULD do this and needed to keep going.

They had called in an OB to be around (I'm guessing they were starting to think I'd need a c-section) and when I heard that I was determined to get the baby out. I pushed really hard for my next couple of contractions and finally at 5:43 am Gianna Catherine Lee Grasso met the world. They laid her on my stomach, but she was purple from not breathing after being born so they quickly cut her cord and took her to the table where she very quickly screamed, pinked up, and pooped on them - That's my girl! They cleaned her up, weighed her - 7 pounds 13 ounces - and then brought her back to me to have skin to skin contact and to breastfeed.

She was so beautiful and looked so much like Joe. I was surprised that she didn't have a crazy shaped head after all the pushing. She was very awake and alert which surprised all of the staff and us. She nursed and latched on like a pro, which was a relief.

I had the smallest of all tears (to the surprise again of the staff) and didn't need stitches. Pushing out the placenta was more painful than I expected and I needed a dose of pitocin to get it out and to help stop the bleeding, which I was okay with. It finally came out and then we were allowed to bond and relax. They brought me breakfast - which was the best eggs and English muffin I'd had in forever - my God was I hungry! Then I had to pee like crazy - I guess usually woman take a while to pee - not me - like 20 minutes after delivering I was peeing and it felt great!

We finally got up to our room around 8:45 am or so and I had to pee again, so I went again. Lucky me had fulfilled the post delivery requirement of two bathroom trips already, so no more monitoring that. We both had such a rush of adrenaline and spent some time calling, emailing, and texting friends and family to let them know about our beautiful Easter baby.

So that's Gianna's birth story. Looking back, I'm so glad we had a doula - I don't think we ever would have made it through the delivery unmedicated without her. I also think if we hadn't had her there I likely would have ended up with a c-section due to that lip in my cervix and my high blood pressure. She was such a great support system and was a great encouragement. Delivering at the ABC was also a wonderful experience - there was always either a nurse or midwife in there - a lot of time there was a nurse, midwife, Sev, Joe, and I all there - which was so different from what I've heard others say of regular deliveries and more of what I wanted. I'm not sure if we'll have another baby, but if we do, I'm still up in the air if I'll go natural again - it was surprisingly less painful than I expected, but I'm not sure I'd want to have to have any pain next time - although it was nice to have a nice, alert baby afterwards, so I'm up in the air. It did feel very empowering and natural, so we'll cross that bridge when we get there. :) Joe would definitely prefer I do medicated, but I don't know, we'll see.

Either way, all I know is I'm thoroughly enjoying motherhood and I'm amazed at how quickly this lovely girl has transformed my life for the better and filled us both with so much love and joy.

Happy Due Date to me!

So today is my due date - I'm officially 40 weeks pregnant today (don't listen to my Dr's who have me as 3/27/10 - they're wrong!!!). In the spirit of that and the lack of actual pregnancy information in my blog despite my best intentions to capture that, I wanted to talk a little about some green choices you can make during pregnancy and shortly thereafter.

Natural/Med-Free Birth:

So when I first became pregnant and thought about delivery, I originally thought that the epidural and medicated process sounded fine - everybody was doing it right (are we lemmings here people? I thought we were human...but that's a story for another day), but then thankfully someone enlightened me and turned me onto this wonderful documentary called "The Business of Being Born." It was eye opening for sure. It details the modern history of childbirth and compares childbirth statistics in the US verses other countries. What amazed me most is in most other countries, births are at home with doulas or midwives, unmedicated and natural and with that, they have significantly lower infant mortality and delivery complications. Practices in the US are vastly different with more than 80% of births happening in hospitals. In the US, having a baby has become a business where you are a number to the hospital and the quicker you are in and out the better for their bottom line. Unfortunately this has led to increased use of medications and c-sections. The national c-section rate in the United States is over 30%! All of this for a process that women handled naturally and unmedicated for centuries on their own because they trusted their bodies and their bodies knew what to do. In studies they've found that natural and unmedicated births are shorter, babies are healthier, and mothers have much faster healing times.

So my decision was made - I'd rather let my body do what it knows how to do and have a shorter labor. My thought was I'd rather be in a lot of pain for a shorter amount of time and heal faster than have a longer time of muted pain and longer healing times. Plus, many times the medications typically used to 'aid' in labor ultimately feed the c-section cycle. You go in when you are in labor. You ask for/doctors offer an epidural for the pain. The epidural slows down your labor and you are taking too long, so they suggest Pitocin to speed up your contractions - but Pitocin makes the contractions more painful, so you get more pain medication, which slows down labor some more, so more Pitocin is administered. With the stronger contractions the baby is affected more and then all of a sudden you've had a long labor and the baby is stressed and a c-section is recommended. Sound familiar? I'm sure you know at least one women with this story (I know I do!)

So my plan is to go unmedicated. We hired a doula to help me through the process and offer support of unmedicated pain relief techniques such as changing position, massage, and breathing techniques. I feel confident that this will help me through my labor and I'll be very happy with the results, but only time will tell.

What is a Doula?
A Doula (from the ancient Greek meaning "a woman who serves") is a trained and experienced professional who provides continuous physical, emotional and informational support to the mother before, during and just after birth; or who provides emotional and practical support during the postpartum period.
A Doula understand and trusts the natural process of birth, respects its transcendent and sacred aspects as well as its physical and emotional aspects.
A Doula facilitates the birth experience for the parents, the baby and the primary care providers. Benefits of having a birth doula:
50% reduction in the cesarean rate
25% shorter labor
60% reduction in epidural requests
40% reduction in pitocin use
30% reduction in analgesia use
40% reduction in forceps delivery
Parents who have hired a Postpartum doula:
feel more secure and cared for
are more successful in adapting to new family dynamics
have greater success with breastfeeding
have greater self-confidence
have less postpartum depression
have lower incidence of abuse

(Obtained from my doula's website: http://www.birthinharmony.com/home.html)

Breastfeeding:
I've also decided that I want to breastfeed. It's funny how taboo breastfeeding seems to be in society today. We see all sorts of news reports about how offended people get by this when a woman breastfeeds in public, which I find utterly insane! Do people not realize that for centuries that was the only option available to mothers? Formula is a new 'convenience' product that is not only expensive, but not custom manufactured for each baby. Besides that, can one of these people please give me an example of any other living species that provides for its young that uses food that is synthetically produced? No! We are the only species that does this!

According to http://www.whattoexpect.com/,
"It's not false advertising to say that mother's milk is nature's perfect food — and it's no overstatement either. Just as cow's milk is the ideal food for calves and goat's milk the best supper for kids (of the goatish variety), your breast milk is exquisitely tailored to meet the nutritional needs of a newborn human. Human breast milk contains at least 100 ingredients that can't be found in cow's milk and that formula manufacturers have yet to duplicate. It's easy on your baby's delicate tummy, too — breastfed babies' dirty diapers are notoriously less nasty than those of their formula-fed nursery mates (and nursed newborns suffer far less frequently from constipation and almost never from diarrhea). Some babies might be allergic to cow's milk (or soy alternatives), but the odds are slim that your baby's body will object to anything about your milk (except not being able to get to it fast enough)."

There are also a ton of health benefits that come for both mother and baby because of breastfeeding. Benefits for baby include protection from infection (less likely to have ear infections, respiratory tract infections, urinary tract infections and other illnesses because their immune system is helped via antibodies and other factors from mom passed on via the milk), no bacteria (breast milk is sterile and requires no boiling), lower risk of excess weight and obesity, brainier babies (studies show a slight but statistically significant increase in the IQ of babies who are breastfed verses those who are formula fed, possibly due to the increased DHA and extra skin to skin contact with mom), stronger jaws with well developed teeth and palates and fewer cavities later in life (babies have to work extra hard for their breakfast verses being fed from rubber and silicone nipples), and better eating habits (babies get a taste of what mom is eating through the flavor of the milk and this early exposure makes them more open to the tastes later on). New reports also suggest that breastfeeding reduces your child's risk of SIDS.

For mom, there are also healthy side effects of breastfeeding your baby: quicker weight loss (you burn extra calories to produce milk and as baby feeds it triggers the release of oxytocin which helps shrink your uterus), lower risk of uterine and breast cancer, lower risk of bone loss after menopause, and natural birth control (periods are slower to return, although you shouldn't rely solely on this as birth control).

In addition to the health benefits, breastfeed is also essentially free. No formula to buy, no bottles necessary unless you are planning to pump. I've seen the cost savings estimates range from just under $1,000 to over $3,000 depending on the formula type you would have other wise fed and other supplies necessary. Even if you include the costs of nursing supplies (bras, pumps, etc.), you still realize savings.

Also, breastfeeding is convenient and time saving. No going and finding formula, mixing and measuring, warming up, etc. It's an on demand product that is the perfect consistency, mixture, and temperature for your baby. It actually adapts to your babies changing health needs as they grow. This is especially nice for late night feedings - no having to trek around the house to find and prepare formula - simply find baby and feed. Quicker and more convenient for all!

Finally - the diapers are easier to change! Again, from http://www.whattoexpect.com/,
"Your milk also has a lower protein content, which makes it easier for your baby to digest, and its chief protein (lactalbumin) is both more nutritious and more readily broken down than the primary protein in cow's milk (caseinogen).The fats in your milk separate more easily, which is part of the explanation for those sweeter-smelling soiled nappies (as impossible as it may be to believe, the odor really isn't onerous — at least until solids come your baby's way). Finally, unlike formula, which is the same from feeding to feeding and can to can, the milk your body makes will change in composition in response to your baby's needs (and change in taste based on the foods you're eating). "

which leads me to...

Cloth Diapering:

Another option that is both eco-friendly and offers cost savings is cloth diapering. This is another item that seems to be so taboo in social circles. Gone are the crazy cloth diapers from our parents time that require pins and vinyl covers and lots of leaking. Today there are so many more options that either are just as convenient as disposables (further called sposies), but in many cases can be more convenient that sposies.

From http://www.surebaby.com/, "If you plan to use disposable diapers, plan on spending between $1,600-$2,300 by the time your baby is potty-trained. Expect your baby to go through at least 7-8 diapers a day on average and spending $80-$130 a month on diapers alone (especially in the first few months, when changes are more frequent.) Cloth diapering can be just as expensive as disposables if you use a diaper service. If you launder them yourself, you can save money. It is estimated that cloth diapering cost approximately $800-$1,100 by the time your baby is potty-trained (without the diaper service.)" This means that for your first baby, you can save anywhere from $800 or more. The wonderful things about cloth diapers not mentioned in this article is that they can be reused for future babies, significantly increasing your costs savings. For those who only have one, don't fret - you can actually sell your diapers when done with them for a pretty penny - adding more to your savings.

I actually will probably come in significantly under that $800 range since I scored on my set. I bought the Bambino Mio birth to potty kit. Normally selling for $499, I got the entire kit for $249 as a close out from a local retailer. As is, it contained all of the diapers I'd need to diaper baby from birth to potty. I'll likely pick up some more nappys and liners to avoid doing laundry every two days and hopefully stretch it to 3 or 4 days between washings, but even with that it's a substantial savings and they are cute as hell!

So those are my initial thoughts/suggestions for having a Green Baby and Saving some Green during/after pregnancy.

Enjoy!

And...hopefully we'll meet Baby Grasso soon...