Another great man died today...

I don't really know what compelled me to feel the need to write about this, but I do, so bear with me.

I read this article on CNN this morning and was moved by it:
http://www.cnn.com/2011/US/02/27/wwi.veteran.death/index.html

So the last living US World War I veteran died.  The last person with a first hand account of a significant event in our country's history is now gone.  He was a hero.  He was someones father, someones grandfather, and at 110 years old, he was probably also a great-grandfather, if not great, great-grandfather.  I'm sure that family is missing him greatly.

I think the thing that shocked me the most about the story though is the man's personality/demeanor.  "Buckles told CNN in 2007 he accepted the responsibility of honoring those who had gone before him, and to be their voice for permanent, national recognition after he was gone."  Also in the article, "Buckles wanted national status granted to the D.C. War Memorial, a marble gazebo built in the 1930s that, for now, honors only his comrades from the District of Columbia. His call was to elevate the designation of the site to join U.S. honors accorded to those who served in World War II, Korea and Vietnam."

I think the thing that strikes me the most is that he didn't want anything for himself, but that he selflessly campaigned for his already lost comrades.

For whatever reason this man reminds me of my Grandpa.  (http://grasso-isms.blogspot.com/2010/03/great-man-died-today.html) I think of him often and really miss him.  I see a lot of him in Gianna - the orneriness, sparkle in her eyes, mischievousness, determination, stubbornness.  The type of character we see in selfless leaders who do great things that affect many, but that few will remember.

So in the spirit of remembrance, take a little time to think about those that have come before us and remember what they did to give us what we have today: freedom and the right to live whatever we think our American dream is.

~A

What if there was no electricity...

I think about this from time to time...it does have kind of a morbid twist to it, but also is more of a survival state of mind.

So picture the situation - one day, you wake up.  No electricity.  No radio.  No TV.  Something has happened that has indefinitely disrupted the infrastructure.  How long could you survive?

I think this varies widely from person to person and can be somewhat dependent on where you live.  As a whole though, I think our modern society has gotten so used to the wonderful convenience of the seemingly limitless food supply, electricity, and other modern conveniences that we've forgotten some basic survival skills and techniques that would be necessary to sustain us both short and long term if something were to disrupt these luxuries.

See, where I grew up and how I was raised people live a simpler lifestyle, so I learned some basic survival skills because well, the infrastructure isn't as dependable and people still use them.  For instance - if you dont' get the food at the grocery store - where do you get it?  Hunting, fishing, foraging...can you do any of this?  Do you even know of items in your local environment that are safe to eat...?  Or, in the event that you have some canned goods on hand, do you have a manual can opener to open them with?

What about keeping warm?  If it was winter and you didn't have indoor heating because electricity is gone and the gas will run out shortly, can you start a fire?  Cut down a tree?  Do you have the tools to do this?  Honestly, I could probably get a fire started, but we don't have the tools to cut down a tree...I should look into this.

I randomly think about this from time to time.  But also with the abundance of "survival" shows and especially the show "Life after people", I often wonder what would happen.  Then with the whole 2012 apocalypse theory...hmmmm....

I've ultimately decided that despite the fact that I feel I have an edge over a lot of the people I know since I do know how to grow and harvest my own food and start fires, etc. that if something happens I'd grab the supplies I think we could use (clothes, food, tools, etc) and head over to my parents house.  They have a wood stove so they would at least have a source to keep the house warm vs. us who have central heat and air.  They have a well and a stream on their property.  We could cook on the wood stove and boil water on the wood stove.  Plus, my step dad has hunting gear and the tools to cut down trees.  I think we could survive by working together.  It would be quite a change from where we are today, but we could do it.

I'm really hoping that I'll be able to pass along this knowledge and skills to Gianna.  Hopefully she never has to use them, but if she does for some reason, I'll be glad knowing that she has basis survival skills.

So back to my original question...could you survive without electricity?  How long?  Think about it.  Would it help you to learn a few new skills?

Have I told you lately....

You know, I feel like all I'm capable of talking about lately is my kid.  I mean, I love her to death and dammit if she doesn't do something I consider to be the cutest thing ever every single day, but I'm sure some people I see frequently are probably so sick of hearing about G and her latest cute thing.

But then again, I think a lot of moms go through this stage.  Maybe not, but I bet.  I have a few friends like this, but ironically I always did love hearing their stories about their little ones and the neat stuff they did.  Honestly, I find that as my friends kids get older I hear less and less about them and it's kind of sad for me.  I like hearing about them - although I guess as your kids get older things become less cute because they happen more often or get buried amidst the other stupid/annoying/obnoxious things they do? 

I keep thinking/dreaming of the day when G is older and can talk and we can have tea parties, watch girly movies, curled up on the couch with popcorn, do each other's hair, etc etc etc girl stuff I never got to do much as a kid because I was an only child, but got to do on rare occasions with friends or cousins.  But, I'm thinking in reality my kid will probably think this is stupid or due to the rapidly changing society that allows/results in/causes (? - not really sure on this one...) our children to grow up way faster than I know I did as a child.  So my time with my child to enjoy some of this innocent bliss will probably only be possibly in that short amount of time before she goes to school and gets tainted by peer pressure and societal norms.  But for now, I can keep dreaming and talking about all the cute things she did...

Because, seriously what can be cuter than a not so toothless grin (yeah, she has 2 teeth now - one that's up quite a bit and the other that just popped this weekend) and hearing her "I'm doing something I'm not supposed to giggle" because she somehow can't contain herself and always gives away that she's doing something she shouldn't by giggling.  And since G isn't the most affectionate baby on the face of the earth since she's too busy planning for world domination (Yes, something I envision that my child is Stewie from Family Guy secretly plotting to kill me and/or take over the world), when she does take a brief moment out of her schedule to come over and hug my leg or if I'm really lucky climb into my lap and hold on tight in an embrace or lately even give a kiss....(take that naysayers - I got my 10 month old to blow kisses - so what if its the back of her hand and it ends up covered in drool...she does it and it's *adorable*).  Although I do find myself jealous of the Mr. who somehow gets the best smiles and hugs and "da das" screamed up the stairs each morning.  I'm just "ma ma"...no jubilation or excitement here...probably because I'm always around and boring.  But I do elicit the best belly laughs during our playtime and she does come to me for book reading, so I guess we all have our roles in G's life.

I think I could fill encyclopedias (remember those things - I bet some kids now-a-days don't even know what those are due to the Internet...note to self...blog up my thoughts on that one day...and memories...ugh) with the chronicles of G.  When she was a baby and I was home with her I had a blog account dedicated to chronicling our days together and what we did and her accomplishments.  That quickly fell to the side when I went back to work.  Still wish I had somehow managed to keep up with that, but alas I did not.  At least I update her baby book monthly, take monthly photos, and record all of the milestone firsts in her book.  And I still can't cut that one crazy long strand of hair in the front because in my mind it would count as her first hair cut and I'm just emotionally not ready for that.  But damn that hair is like 3 or 4 inches longer than any others and it has to be in the front so it hangs in her face...I'm really surprised she hasn't ripped it out herself at this point.

But there you go, I've rambled on for almost an entire entry about her.  I can't seem to talk about anything else these days.  Please bare with me.  I've got mommy-syndrome.  I'm not sure if there's a cure...maybe the other mommies out there can let me know.

In the meantime, thanks to those of you who awesomely responded via comment, facebook, or email about my last post.  It was awesome to hear from you, get encouragement, and be the lucky recipient of compliments.  I kind of needed them (obviously) and it helped me feel a little better and normal.

~A

Randomosities...

Hello again.

Wasn't really sure what to blog about today or where exactly this post would lead due to my crazy state of mind today, so we'll see when we get there I guess.

I'm feeling kind of down lately.  I'm guessing it's because I haven't done any "Amber" things in I don't even know how long.  My determination to blog again is an attempt to try and start writing again.  See, for those of you who don't know, I used to write a lot and I rather enjoy it.  And I've had a couple things published - two poems and several articles in newspapers.  Surprised?  Yeah, I bet you are.  And the sad part is for the most part I feel like the things I've had published aren't even some of my good stuff, especially the poems.  The articles made good points in what I call my silently rebellious perspective.  So I'd really like to try and get into that again.  I still deep down have my dream of publishing a couple short stories I've written as children's books, so we'll see when/if that ever happens.

I really need to find a way to balance this mommy/Amber thing, although I'm not sure how.  I keep struggling with this.  Any time I'm away from G I tend to feel guilty.  I feel like I already don't spend enough time for her and I keep telling myself quality vs. quantity, but it doesn't help all that much to be honest especially when I think of trying to leave and have some time to myself.  Unfortunately this results in me feeling even more frustrated and down.  Then, on top of it all I have a hard time asking/letting other people watch G and I think this is mostly because of how people have reacted in the past.  I get comments about how she can be fussy (which is funny because around me she's rarely fussy unless she's tired...) or people are just mortified by the whole breast milk bottle thing.  And while we're talking about that, if I were to be able to get out of the house myself, if I'm going to be gone more than 5 or 6 hours, I have to bring the pump.  Man, nursing is so challenging sometimes - I can see why so many people give up.  But I'm determined, so it's a battle I fight every day.

I really miss Amber.  I miss writing, drawing, hanging out with my friends (without a baby in tow), and having some time to myself to read a book or just do something that isn't mommy related or a chore.  Sometimes I feel like this is just way to much to ask...Is it?  Am I being too critical of myself?  I'm so confused.

Then, like any mother (I'm assuming other mothers feel this way...or maybe I'm really losing it) there's always that constant nagging feeling of if I'm doing things right and what others think of me.  I think it would be nice to receive some praise for what I'm doing sometimes.  My wonderful daycare provider sent me a note a while back to tell me she thought I was doing a good job and it just made me feel so great inside.  I think all parents need to hear this more - we really need to stop judging each others decisions and spend more time praising each other.

So with that said, for the one person I know reads by blog (thanks Bean - I love you!...and miss you terribly!) and for anyone else who might stumble across it or read it when I share this on facebook I challenge you to give five compliments out by the end of this week - bonus points for giving them to five different people.  Let me know how it goes - how do they react and how did it make you feel?

~A

PS - I have to drive tomorrow to Boston which causes me great anxiety (irrational I know, but still), so hopefully I survive to blog another day.

Obsessed much?

Have you seen this commercial?

I find myself increasingly disgusted at this commercial.  Seriously?  Are we THAT obsessed with facebook now as a society that we need our car to provide us real time updates as to the status updates of our facebook 'friends'?

And also, how is this not illegal?!  We can't text or talk while driving here in Connecticut, but you can get facebook updates...That's not distracting at all.  I mean seriously if the girl didn't like the first date in the example of this commercial, he probably would have been so distraught that he would have gotten into an accident right?

Now I know I on occasion can be on facebook a lot and post status updates and pander for votes for my child in cute video contests, but if I don't check my facebook page for my friends updates or even log on for that matter for quite some time, I really don't feel affected.  I use facebook to keep in touch and up to date with a lot of friends and family that don't live in the area, but guess what, I can also pick up the phone and call or write a letter.

Which leads me to my second thought.  We as a society don't write enough letters.  I made a resolution to write a letter a week this year - while I'm not keeping to the one letter a week, I'm sure I'll make it up to 26 letters for the year.  It's kind of nice to write a letter, and I mean hand write, and I get excited when I get letters back in the mail.  It's kind of refreshing.  I write my family members, but I do need to start writing friends more.  Like when I see recipes or articles in magazines I think they'd like.  Just to write a short note of encouragement.  I could use one of those for now...but I kind of hope that me writing letters to them might inspire them to write a letter to someone and keep it going...and hey, while we're at it, maybe we'll help the USPS keep from going under...or probably not....

~A

PS - a little G update - she blows kisses now and it's so stinkin' cute!! :)

How's your day goin?

Go ahead.

Ask me.

You know you want to.

I mean, it's 10 AM in the morning...how bad could it be already? 

Well, let's see.  Woken up at 6:30 am by the monkey (yet again...I forgot what sleeping past 630 am is like...).  Then I have to change a massive poop-splosion.  Like, the midst's of this type I haven't seen since G was 3 months old.  The running down the legs, take a moment to debate just throwing the kid away, decide its best to throw the clothes away type of poo.  I really should have taken a photo and been one of 'those' moms.  But I vowed I wouldn't be one of those mom's whose child can't wait to get a hold of the photo album to banish the embarrassing photos to the realms of hell.  No naked pictures of the kid yet, but all bets are off this summer if she decides she enjoys running around naked outside and playing in mud puddles with no clothes on as much as I did when I was a kid.

So anyway, what was I saying.  Finally get that cleaned up, take G upstairs to bathe her because really, if I don't, I'll be thinking of this for the rest of the day...

Finish up and go to our bedroom to take a shower only to find that the dog puked...not once, but twice.  And it was that obnoxiously fluorescent yellow bile puke.  And somehow the Mr. managed to sleep through that (yes, see, I got up at 6:30, he's STILL sleeping at 10 am).  So I have to give the kiddo to the groggy Mr. to watch while I take the dog out, clean him up, feed him, and then lug the steam cleaner upstairs in an attempt to try and prevent the massive spots from staining. Then lug it back downstairs...

All the while, I apparently missed an accomplishment of the monkey that would have made my day - see I've been trying to teach her to blow kisses.  And what did she do while with Daddy in bed whilst Mommy's day was getting oh so much more enjoyable by the minute...blow kisses to Daddy...and the dog. Yep, awesome. Just awesome. And she hasn't done is since. :(

So now I'm sitting here watch the monkey run around like, well a monkey, watching Shrek, and contemplating making some coffee in an attempt to perk up my day.  Hopefully mom calls soon to make plans to go to the Botanical Gardens...or the way my day is going, maybe she'll cancel...ugh.

But midst all of that, I do have to say, G looks ridiculously cute in her new outfit I bought her (Which ironically has a monkey on it and says "How cute am I?"  Thanks Target!  And I have to admit that listening to her run around and yell "Bah" to make an attempt to sound like a roaring monster is pretty cute.  Dammit, now I'm smiling.  I guess my day is starting to look up after all...

Do you ever think about going back in time...what would you tell yourself?

So every now and then I think about this  If I could go back in time, what would I tell myself?  What would I want to change about things that I have happened in my life.

The gut reaction is to say, I'd go back and say don't date so and so or don't take that class or something like that.  But I think that's not only too easy, but would also be direly regrettable.  I mean, all those experiences have made me who I am today and put me where I am today.  Now, maybe if you aren't happy with where you are today, it might be tempting to do such a thing - me, I'm pretty happy with where I'm at.

I'd like to go back and tell myself a few things I know now that would make my life a little easier.  I'm thinking things like: just tell the person you 'like' that you like them instead of playing crazy games, be more confident in yourself, you can do it, don't care about what other people think, and to think of things more in the long term than the short term - ie - if this doesn't happen what will happen in the future.

I think in some of my younger years I spent far too much time playing silly games with boys when in all honesty I could have gotten back so much valuable time by just taking a risk and telling them I was interested.  I also think I spent far too much time worrying about what others would perceive of me if I did x, which ultimately affected my self confidence.  I also spent far too much time worrying about REALLY trivial things like the quality of a paper, the score on a test or assignment, a basketball game, etc.

However, I also think I was pretty good about focusing on some of the important things then and now. 

I'm not a 'spend hours getting ready' type of person because I'd rather have 2 hours of time to spend living life than 1 hour after spending and hour getting ready to look really great while spending time living life.  While I struggle with self-image just like the majority of people I know, I'm also pretty laid back and grounded about myself.  I am who I am and most of the time, I'm okay with that.  I'm not going to lie though - sometimes it does feel good to get all dolled up and look at myself in the mirror and think, DAMN girl, you still got it.  Haven't done anything like that in forever.  In fact, almost all the make up I own is probably well past it's use by date.  I've been thinking lately I'd like to get some new make up so maybe I can get dolled up every now and then again.  See, if you don't wear make up every day, getting dolled up is pretty simple - mascara, blush, and maybe a little eye shadow - actually style my hair (verses my typical brush and let dry method).  Maybe, just maybe if I could find some time to go out and buy said make up sans kiddo, I could get that "wow" look on Joe's face even for a brief moment of time, and I'd probably feel pretty great about doing this...(Note to self, add this to my To Do list, likely falls in place #4,123,456,789 or something about there, so I'll get to it when G is 10).

I tend to find that now-a-days I really have to level-set myself as a mom.  I often feel guilty for the little bit of time I get to spend with G during the week.  But then I come home and have a billion things to do and can get a bit frustrated at trying to clean the house, only to have my little kiddo completely undo said cleaning a moment later in a moment of pure joy and satisfaction at banging to pieces of Tupperware together.  Most of the time, I'm pretty good about realizing it's quality vs. quantity of time I spend with her, so I'll put off said cleaning and get down on all fours and bang Tupperware together with G and make music together.  Maybe you don't like our music, but it elicits giggles of all sorts and viewing the world for even a brief moment through the truly wonderful and optimistic view of a child can just make your day sometimes.  And honestly, what's a better gift or mood booster than seeing a wonderful, silly, pure joy smile on a child's face?  I promise...NOTHING.

Take it or leave it.  That's my thought for the day.  Value this moment, live life to its fullest, and take a moment to bang some Tupperware together and have a giggle before going back to the mundane tasks of putting it all away in its place.

~A

Jumping back in

Almost a year into motherhood and on the verge of losing my sanity due to the non-existent "Amber" time routine I've let myself sink into, I'm jumping back onto the blogging wagon.

Hopefully I'll be able to continue posting about some green topics (I've got a few ideas), but I'd also like to start posting some of my random thoughts/ ideas I've had.  That was my very first intention of this blog - to contain my "Grasso-isms" or random thoughts/views on life and other random things.

So for my followers (or lack there of), here's to the re-start of a wonderful, new relationship.

- A

PS - I love the whole -A thing since it reminds me of "Pretty Little Liars" on ABC Family.  Makes me feel like part of a secret society.  If you don't watch this show...check it out for the love of God!